Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Napoleon Bonaparte

“Is man merely a mistake of God's? Or God merely a mistake of man's?”

~~~~~~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have enough film.

There are always two opinions, mine and one that is wrong !!!!

"It's hard to soar like an wedgee when you're surrounded by galahs"

"It's a bit hard to pull up your socks if you haven't any on"

"Divorce" from the Latin word, meaning, "To rip a mans testicles out through his wallet"

Robin Williams

“There may snow on the shingles of the old mountain hut, but the billy is boilin on the hob”

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman"  ;D

After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb - Nelson Mandella

"Sadness is the wall between two gardens."

:-*

A hypocrite is a person who--but who isn't?

   Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)

Rule 01: "Pillage, then burn."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

“Merchant and pirate were for a long period one and the same person. Even today mercantile morality is really nothing but a refinement of piratical morality.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

24 beers in a carton, 24hrs in a day....coincidence? you be the judge.

unknown.

"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest."   ;D

- Rowan Atkinson

Laughter has no foreign accent!
Unknown

Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon.   EM Forster

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."


~~~~~Benjamin Franklin

Rule 04: 'Close air support covereth a multitude of sins.'

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

"This is the stickiest situation since Sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun." Capt. Blackadder

 

"Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cosy....doesn't try it on" Billy Connelly

Little_Kopit wrote on Mar 6^th, 2009 at 3:02pm:

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~~~~~Benjamin Franklin

Good old BF,he was so right :)
cheers George

It's natural that nature kills off the weak. So when i drink and kill braincells..... if the above is true...... the more i drink and kill the weak cells, the smarter i will become?....

Try running that theory past the Missus........

“You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.”

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL...

an you betta beleev it eh but!!!


Hahahahahahaha!!!!

Grrr!!!

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

- Robert Bloch

I think I have too much blood in my alcohol system?

Life is like a pubic hair in toilet bowl, someone will come along and piss you off.
Muzz

The empty vessel makes the most noise

Rule 06: "If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

“Experience is the one thing you can’t get for nothing.”

-Oscar Wilde

"A Platypus is a duck designed by a committee"  ;D

Stump Jump wrote on Mar 10^th, 2009 at 7:43am:

"A Platypus is a duck designed by a committee"

Similarly, "A camel is a horse designed by a committee"

Rule 08: "Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

Rule 09: "Never turn your back on an enemy."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

If I had not some strength of will I would make a first class drunkard.

Ernest Shackleton

Globalization, as defined by rich people like us, is a very nice thing... you are talking about the Internet, you are talking about cell phones, you are talking about computers. This doesn't affect two-thirds of the people of the world.

-Jimmy Carter

The more you cultivate human beings, the more you turn up clods.

Rule 10: 'Sometimes the only way out is through... through the hull.'

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

...but I also can’t prove that mushrooms could not be intergalactic spaceships spying on us.
~ Daniel Dennett

You can't change the wind, but you can change your sails.....

Two Dozen Truth's of Life


1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
   in a garage or a bog hole makes you a Jeep.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14.  Men are from earth.  Women are from earth.  Deal with it!

15.  No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
     waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
    before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing.  It enables you to recognize a
     mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24.  Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

Rule 11: "Everything is air-droppable at least once."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

Rule 12: "A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

Rule 13: "Do unto others."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

There's no point barking yourself if you've got a dog

Never let the same dog bite you twice.

Apply this rule to anyone who who rips you off, Retailers, car dealers, Ebay, so called friends etc

PS "And Women"   :o

Rule 16: "Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

Life isn't fair so get used to it.

pd

If at first you don't succeed.......@#$% it!!!!

and...

If it has breasts or wheels, you're gonna have troubles with it.

Robbo

Rule 21: 'Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow.'

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

Rule 27: "Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

There's no fool like an old fool. True. They've practiced all their life.

;D

.........only 2 things are infinite...the universe and human stupidity

There is only one thing more annoying than a fly on your computer screen.......



;)

Rule 29: "The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy, No more, no less."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

Don't take life so seriously......... it isn't Permanent!

Rule 30: "A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

Corollary on bleeding... "All bleeding stops, eventually"

Winning isn't everything.........  it's the ONLY thing!

Rule 31: 'Only cheaters prosper. If you aren't cheating, then you aren't trying hard enough.'

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

The first and only lesson in first aid...

"It's simple really, blood goes round and round, air goes in and out, and consciousness is a good thing.... any variation to this is bad and need to be acted on".

Rule 34: "If you're leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

Rule 35: "That which fails to kill you has made a grave tactical error."

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

“The sea has never been friendly to man. At most it has been the accomplice of human restlessness.”

There are no Ordinary moments in life......... there are only moments!

Movie:- Peaceful Warrior

"I went outside to find a friend, but could not find one there.
I went outside to be a friend, and friends were everywhere."
By Payne

Rule 36: 'When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.'

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Epitath of H. G. Wells:

"I told you so, you damned fools."

"Jensen Button took a drop in pay of US$4million this season  to secure his drive with the Brawn F1 team"................................

KD I work in a hotel that just hosted the GP teams, could I give you some GOS, OOOPs

Rule 37: "There is no 'overkill'. There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'"

-- The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Pirates

'Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it can't be hard on your clients.'

Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved - Gabriel Marcel

How can the cemetry raise it's burial costs and blame it on the price of living?

And the ponderance of the day....

Why do men have nipples????

Rastas000 wrote on Apr 16^th, 2009 at 6:55am:

And the ponderance of the day.... Why do men have nipples????

Well for some blokes it's to hang ear rings on.   :D :D :D :D

Rastas000 wrote on Apr 16^th, 2009 at 6:55am:

And the ponderance of the day.... Why do men have nipples????

Empathy????

OzJeeper wrote on Apr 16^th, 2009 at 10:38pm:

Rastas000 wrote on Apr 16th, 2009, 6:55am: And the ponderance of the day.... Why do men have nipples???? Empathy????

Would that suggest we care????  Damn it, my missus is gonna be hard to handle

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.

Found on a T-shirt about hiking:

"Bring a compass, having to eat your friends can be so awkward."

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to shop. — Bo Derek

It is not who is right, but what is right, that is of importance.

Thomas Huxley

Rastas000 wrote on Apr 21^st, 2009 at 6:59am:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to shop. — Bo Derek

Nor do these blokes have dogs.

8-)

Poetry often enters through the window of irrelevance.

M C Richards

There is no such thing as "a normal life"....... there is just LIFE!

Why be happy, when you can be normal.

An insult I heard this morning....

"That fella dresses like an unmade bed"

Don't take life too seriously...nobody gets out alive.

I like this!!

---

Behind every successful man, is a surprised mother-in-law

Behind every beautiful well adjusted dating teenage daughter, is a father with the cleanest gun collection in town.

[smiley=gunsmilie.gif]

Life is not a rehearsal.... so make the most of it this time 'round

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
 
   Carl Jung

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.  

~Woody Allen

"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most of them live the longest."

Author (Unknown)

"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered  by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

Jay is laughing, because he thinks this is sooooo true.

very good rastas000

"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered  by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

4x4Junki wrote on Apr 29^th, 2009 at 11:07pm:

very good rastas000

Hmmm apart from the assertion that I am good, and I really am a "good boy"...

I am going to print this out and put it up on my wall (at work) today.

"If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it probably needs a little more time in the microwave."
Lori Dowdy

Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.

Brigader Lethbridge-Stewart in "Dr. Who"

Quote for the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'


So - if you give her  crap , you will get a bucket full of sh#%*.

     

Kez wrote on May 20^th, 2009 at 8:48am:

So - if you give hercrap , you will get a bucket full of sh#%*.

And if you give her a little hurt, she will give you a bucketload of hurt back!

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
Stephen Fry

Mick Dodson, Australian of the year at his National Press Club address on 17 February 2009 said:

"I will encourage actions that make good intentions mean something. Actions speak louder. I challenge all of us to think anew, because through new thoughts, old habits will be broken, new ground will be broken.”

It's not what you know, that matters,
Nor is it who you know that matters,
It's what you know about who you know that really matters...

I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio…
(Bill Braudis)

Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.
Dolly Parton

Dog  Logic  


The  reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail  instead of
his tongue.  
-Anonymous  


There  is no psychiatrist in the world like a
puppy licking your face.  
-Ben Williams  


A  dog is the only thing on earth that loves you
more than he loves  himself
-Josh Billings  


The  average dog is a nicer person than the
average  person.  
-Andy  Rooney  


Anybody  who doesn't know what soap tastes
like never washed a dog.  
-Franklin P. Jones


If  your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough
exercise  .  
-Unknown  


My  dog is worried about the economy because
Pal is up to $4.00 a  can. That's almost $28.00
in dog money.
-Joe  Weinstein  


Women  and cats will do as they please, and
men and dogs should relax  and get used to the
idea.
-Robert A  Heinlein  


If  you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not  bite
you; that is the
principal difference between a dog and a  man.
-Mark Twain


Dogs  are not our whole life, but they make our
lives whole.  
-Roger Caras  


If  you think dogs can't count, try putting
three dog biscuits in  your pocket and then
give him only two of them.
-Phil  Pastoret  

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit - anon

Make sure you are seated at the dinner table, otherwise you may turn out to be part of the meal.

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.

   Scott Adams, Dogbert; Dilbert cartoons

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think!

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary

In a mad world only the mad are sane.
   Akira Kurosawa (1910 - 1998)

The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us.
   Paul Valery (1871 - 1945), 1895

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.
   Jane Austen (1775 - 1817), Mansfield Park

There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality.
   Pablo Picasso (1881 - 1973)

You've broken your guitar.
Well now you have nothing to fret about...

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

(Special Festive season quote)

Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn't seem to be working.

Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.

Marlene Dietrich

First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
 
   Doctor Who

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank.  People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!'  or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'  

~Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping:  A Survivor's Guide"

If a man says something in the woods, and no one is there to hear him, can a women still tell him he's wrong?

Ben Ryan

love it  ;D ;D ;D

and yes they think so !

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
 
   Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

I am new & love the topic - two to start:

'The wheel is spinning but the hampster is dead' -sums up my mind most days

' As useful as a choclate fireplace'

Mutley

Mutley wrote on Jan 4^th, 2010 at 9:19pm:

' As useful as a choclate fireplace'

"As useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle"

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
 
   H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through... There needs to be a monster truck option.
 
  Jeph Jacques

Vengeance may be the Lord's, but that's never stopped anybody from borrowing some.