hey willy you should have used a bit of bark or some grass  cheers cb

Yea, We was so poor we had to use the DOG'S BARK for dunny paper. Now that's RUFF.
I only tell lies when my lips are moving

Kev

One reason why I love my RV

Well now here's the scenario:

I remember being out on a lake side with my dog Mutt. This dog was most uncouth, even moreso than the author of this text, he had absolutely no savoir vivre whatsoever. We had set up, me 'n Mutt and were relishing the last rays of the day alongside the fire and we each had a beer and were splitting a bowl of nachos between us and I told him that if we were to get up at 5:00 to fish that we'd better start thinking of banking the fire.

Mutt was a neat dog usually and fun to take fishing as even tho he never baited up, nor dug worms he could be counted on to listen while I rambled on about the mysteries of why I did so poorly that day and never contradict me.

Now Nature is neat with men and as we age a bit, Nature will wake us up at 3:00 AM as she knows that we will have slept now for five hours and a wake-up would give us a chance to fall asleep again for another three hours. This one night Mutt 'n I were sleeping in the tent and come 3:00 AM I woke up....and heard the dreadful sound of many raindrops on the tent. I tried to sleep hoping that it would go away. I tried crossing my legs, then turning over and crossing them in another manner, but none of this worked. Hearing the rain also dashed my hope for an early departure in the canoe, and it also intensified the reason why Nature woke me up. Finally having no choice I got out of my warm and dry sleeping bag and unzipped the tent and some water gushed onto my head. I could have just put some body parts outside and the job would have been done and over but I am too dignified to do this now in this stage of life although I have experimented this technique some years ago with less than satisfactory results.  So, out I went......and back I came. Finally after 20 minutes of re-warming the sleeping bag and getting reasonably comfortable to continue my three-hour stint before dawn...and just as I was in my best dozing mode...................
.............................................................Mutt farted

Well, as my podnah said, I as stirring other pots.

We have a season here called autumn which is exciting as I get out to gather wood for next year's revenge by Eolius, the Grecian God who somehow made it to the North Pole and lays it on us for a few months. They say that good wood heats four times, when you cut it, split it, stack it and burn it and already I've experienced all four of them, with much pleasure I can assure you. Then there is the usual pre-winter work and lastly but certainly not the least....honey-do's. The latter are the worst as in my mind they do not really have to be done and I can easily forget them faster than she can give them to me. I figure that a warm house is much more important than her  flower beds and window washing. Besides when I cut wood, I buy me a box of longnecks, but if I do honey-do's all I get is a reminder to leave my boots outside. Woe is me.

It is also a great season for chili and my cousin makes some adobo sauce that'll blow your sinus' out your ears. My daughter brought me a batch of haberneros and jalopenos too. all I need is a piece of roadkill.

So now that all is ready for The Big White, I can practice making my fibrications sound like truths. This brings to mind my ex-dog, Mutt..........j

I must say here that you people are on a roll!    (Just couldn't pass this one up, sorry).

A Day in the Life of Josh
It came like the roll of thunder, the rolling and tumbling that you hear although you do not actually see the forthcoming storm.

I was in the car returning home from an errand when I felt this sensation deep in my stomach, and I knew it was to be a two-flush No.2. This could be the one of the decade, the one that of the ones which make crapdom annals     ( No pun intended).

The car whipped around the corner, figuring that we had just enough time to make it home. The word “we” is used as the car would suffer as much as the driver if we do not make it to homeplate in the allotted amount of time. Not to be forgotten that even Napoléon could not conquer the smallest urge brought on by the Mother of Nature, much less one of this intensity which was quickly coming over the horizon. As the car whipped itself wildly around this corner, it became the immediate follower of a school bus. This bus stopped at the first stop and gave birth to seven students, slowly descending, unaware of this tempest raging in my intestines. The next stop two more got off, but one forgot his school bag and had to return. By now I am looking in the mirror to see just how brown my eyes getting. (This is my personal crap-index/indicator). The bus drives slowly away, and I am driving with one cheek raised, and two kids are giving me the finger through the rear window. Two more blocks left and I am seeing huge rolls of  toilet paper, my own bathroom and my belly seems to be as bloated as that of a pregnant cow. The bus goes by one corner…….whoopee, one for Josh. The next and last corner, he lets another school bus go across the intersection, and I have tears running down my face, and he turns left fully knowing that I was flashing to turn also.. four houses, three, two, one…….and I am home. I dart out, not shutting off the motor, sprint towards the door, my hand very unmajestically holding my pants up against my butt, stop for a second as my time has run out, regain my stride with a deep breath, and make it into the house, kicking off my shoes and undoing my pants en route. Turning the corner, I lunge forward……and BANG, hit my head on t he door. The door flies open and there is Huguette sitting there with a cup of tea and this week’s copy of the Soaps……………..

Hey podnah, my chiles are fresh. I will not sell my soul to the Devil by using dried or frozen ingredients.