A four year old boy is sitting in the bath examining his testicles and he asks,
"Mum, are these my brains ?" and mum says,
"Not yet darling, not yet".

Apart from the poetic licence the joke made me laugh.....

(the animal years are wrong)

Security Threat Levels

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Dam Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Dam Nuisance"
warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

And at a local level...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Austrulia will riscue us".
In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the used of the final escalation level...

My nephew (aged 5) called me with this one last night....





And then he chortled the rest of the call, coz I told him that I nearly choked on my dinner when he told me....

-Bunnings has everything!

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 
'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'

'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.
'There's a diagnostic computer down at Bunnings. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about
it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a Doctor.'

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Bunnings. 
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for 
the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.. 

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy       
activity. It will improve in two weeks


Thank you for shopping @ Bunnings.


That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe 
began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog,
urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good
measure




Joe hurries back to Bunnings, eager to check the results



He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. 

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)            
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)   
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.                  
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a solicitor..      
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get      
better!




Thank you for shopping @ Bunnings