Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #100 - Apr 19^th, 2008 at 10:40pm

Derek Offline
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The "Camp Oven Cook"
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Not to be outdone. Grin

Retired
Camp Oven Cook

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Reply #101 - Apr 19^th, 2008 at 11:42pm

Little_Kopit Offline
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Derek's remote looks well aged.

Since 2000.

Cool

My Photo Album, featuring Labrador 2006

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Reply #102 - Apr 20^th, 2008 at 5:49pm

skiproosel Offline
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Joined: Jan 5^th, 2008 at 6:06am
Last online: Sep 16^th, 2012 at 5:35pm

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I WANT MORE MONEY
I, the Pen*s, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you
have raised,
The administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting
other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as
wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have
completed your assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,

V. Gina

Have agreat day
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Reply #103 - Apr 21^st, 2008 at 5:07am

Robbo Offline
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COCIA....its a sickness
Joined: Mar 27^th, 2008 at 2:20am
Last online: Jan 21^st, 2013 at 12:36pm

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Would be a

prick

of a job though. Grin

Robbo

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

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Reply #104 - Apr 21^st, 2008 at 6:53am

skiproosel Offline
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ESTATE PLANNING

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted a very beautiful woman and decided he wanted her as his wife.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, “but in a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three weeks later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

Have a great day
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Reply #105 - Apr 21^st, 2008 at 1:38pm

skiproosel Offline
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Nursing Home

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!,' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?' Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?' Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.'
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his 'You-Know- What' in his hand. 'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!'

Have a nice day
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Reply #106 - Apr 21^st, 2008 at 9:34pm

skiproosel Offline
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LOOK AFTER YOUR WIFE...

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on the patio, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.

Cheryl from next door saw us and was so upset that she came over and yelled at me...."You lazy prick! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your arse and give her a break!"

I thought "Sh**! ... Women!"....I took another swig from my stubby, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my sunnies, stared directly at this nosey cow and told her in no uncertain terms "Sod off and mind your own business. My wife has green fingers, and she really enjoys gardening".

After a few days I felt really bad , so I went out and bought her a ride-on mower to show my sensitive side. I am so proud of the deal I got. I am also proud that my wife can now sit down while mowing the lawn. Yes guys we should take good care of our wives ... that way maybe they will take good care of us.

I have attached a picture below. I hope it comes through OK [see below]

I actually mow the grass at home
Have a nice day
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Reply #107 - Apr 21^st, 2008 at 10:32pm

Little_Kopit Offline
COCIA Hall Of Fame
& I, I took the road less
traveled by.
Joined: Dec 19^th, 2005 at 2:05pm
Last online: Apr 13^th, 2020 at 2:27am

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& calling 'mowing the grass' gardening. WELL!!!

HUH. Maintenance chores. IMO a lawn ain't garden. It's more like mass production than care of special plants!

Still the mower is well Tongue

???

My Photo Album, featuring Labrador 2006

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Reply #108 - Apr 23^rd, 2008 at 9:49am

beckinoz Offline
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Joined: Apr 23^rd, 2008 at 9:31am
Last online: Sep 26^th, 2010 at 7:45pm

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All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady!Toward the end of
Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'80%
held up their hands.The Minister then repeated his question.All responded this time,
except one small elderly lady.'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your
enemies?'I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly.'Mrs. Neely, that is very
unusual. How old are you?''Ninety-eight.' she replied.'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you
please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years &
not have an enemy in the world?'The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the
aisle, faced the congregation, and said:'I outlived the bitches.'

Beck

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Reply #109 - Apr 23^rd, 2008 at 9:56am

beckinoz Offline
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An Irish Ghost Story

This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred
Hitchcock tale, it's true. John Bradford, a Dublin University student was on the
side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The
night was rolling on and no car went by.

The storm was so strong he could barely see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he
saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and
without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door, only to realize
there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve
approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the
car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John,
paralyzed with terror watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but
never touched or harmed him. Shortly thereafter
John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped
out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started
telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped
the pub when everybody realized he was crying and....wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the
stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around,
and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other,
"Look Paddy - there's that idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!"

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