AUSTRALIA'S ORIGINAL AND BEST CAMP OVEN AND OUTDOOR COOKING CAMPING AND LIFESTYLE FORUM - Joke Of The Day

Reply #1020 - May 22^nd, 2009 at 8:14pm

Derek Offline
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The "Camp Oven Cook"
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Kingsthorpe David wrote on May 22^nd, 2009 at 3:12pm:

A MAN who smashed his car through the glass doors of a city hall and drove through the building before crashing into a wall:

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,25521084-952,00.html

Pretty bad security ay.....................
Where was Security?

KD

After watching the video I get the feeling he was pissed off. Grin

Retired
Camp Oven Cook

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Reply #1021 - May 24^th, 2009 at 12:33pm

Cactus Offline
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I Love Camp Oven Cooking
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Four mates where siting around a camp fire having a few beers and one said ..what is the worst sound you have herd. One chap said blowing a tyre on a plane when we where landing very bad sound ..another said a lift wire broke and and I thought that's it. the third said a busted wheel bearing on a train I was driving. They looked a Jack and said what about you..Jack said someone opening a pocket knife with there teeth..The others all laughed and said that not a bad sound..Jack said well if you a climbing out off a window and some bugger is holding yours balls with one hand it is.

Have Camp Oven will travel

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Reply #1022 - May 24^th, 2009 at 2:58pm

Kez Offline
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Rastas000 wrote on May 22^nd, 2009 at 4:25pm:

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

How true!!

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Reply #1023 - May 24^th, 2009 at 4:29pm

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
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Coat of Arms

"The Australian government today announced that it is changing it's Coat-of-Arms from the Kangaroo, Emu and Wattle sprig to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

It just doesn't get more accurate than that."

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #1024 - May 26^th, 2009 at 2:00pm

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
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I have a Microsoft waiter

Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.

[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

[The waiter leaves.]

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!

The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . $1.00

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #1025 - May 27^th, 2009 at 9:23pm

Kingsthorpe David Offline
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A New Mouse for Women

After years of research, scientists have discovered that women do not like the standard mouse given away with PC's. Scientists found that there is not a physical reason for their aversion; It is more of a Psychological problem.

Some women reported that their mouse 'just didn't feel right' in their hands. Based on the research, a new mouse has been designed especially for women.

Various field tests have been carried out on the new design:

Julie from Hounslow said:-

'It feels so much better. More comfortable, more like how it's supposed to be'

Susan from Chelmsford added:-

'I think mice were originally designed just for men, but this new type is definitely made for women. It fits right in with my lifestyle'

Hillary from Kent :said -

'I took to it like a duck to water, every woman should have one'!

Sally from London Said -

"It feels so natural"

image001.jpg (58 KB | )

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Reply #1026 - May 28^th, 2009 at 8:15pm

Kingsthorpe David Offline
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Amazing illusions................

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9qwNIIeLcs&feature=related

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Reply #1027 - May 29^th, 2009 at 12:14pm

Michaelb Offline
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A woman went to a pet shop & immediately
spotted a large, beautiful parrot..
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said,
"Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution
and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided
she had to have the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up
in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,

"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school
the bird saw and said,
"New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended
but then began to laugh about the situation
considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith
came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

"Hi Keith"

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #1028 - Jun 4^th, 2009 at 5:38pm

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
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A nice, calm, and respectable woman went into a pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist and looked him straight in his eyes and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide"

The pharmacist replied "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The woman replied, "I need it to poison my husband!"

The pharmacist's eyes widened and he exclaimed,

"Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law, I'll lose my license, they will throw us both in jail, all kinds of bad things will happen, absolutely not!

You CANNOT have cyanide!"

The woman reached into her handbag and pulled out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacists wife. The pharmacist looked at the photo and said,

"Well now, that's a completely different story altogether, you didn't tell me you had a prescription." . Roll Eyes

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #1029 - Jun 4^th, 2009 at 7:27pm

poddy dodger Offline
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Twelve year old daughter arrives home and mum asks where's she's been.
"I've been down at the park doing cartwheels for the boys", she says.
Mum says, "Don't you know they only ask you to do that so they can see your panties ?"
Daughter says, "Yes , I know mum, that's why I take 'em off and put them in my school bag".

pd

When I die I hope my missus doesn't sell my camp ovens for what I told her I paid for them. pd

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