AUSTRALIA'S ORIGINAL AND BEST CAMP OVEN AND OUTDOOR COOKING CAMPING AND LIFESTYLE FORUM - Joke Of The Day

Reply #1040 - Jun 18^th, 2009 at 5:40pm

LogFire Offline
COCIA Gold Member
Joined: Mar 27^th, 2007 at 7:50am
Last online: Apr 7^th, 2023 at 8:56pm

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 376

A little boy goes to his father & asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
"Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway." the father said.
Your mother & I first got together in a chat room. Then we met in a cyber cafe. We went into a secluded room & your mother agreed to download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload we discovered that neither of us had used a firewall & it was too late to hit the delete button.
Nine months later a little pop-up appeared that said "You've got Male."

I have gone off to find myself. If I get back before I return,keep me here.

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1041 - Jun 18^th, 2009 at 8:28pm

Lady_Joanella Offline
COCIA Hall Of Fame
DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING
YOU THINK!!!
Joined: Jan 8^th, 2008 at 8:33am
Last online: Dec 4^th, 2013 at 7:48pm

Posts: 260

What was left after Woolies burned down ......?

Coles

Cheesy

LJW

"Friends make the best Collectables."

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1042 - Jun 19^th, 2009 at 2:58am

Rastas000 Offline
COCIA Diamond Member
Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
Last online: Mar 5^th, 2024 at 11:48am

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 1244

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
bullet

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
bullet

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
bullet

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
bullet

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
bullet

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1043 - Jun 19^th, 2009 at 2:59am

Rastas000 Offline
COCIA Diamond Member
Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
Last online: Mar 5^th, 2024 at 11:48am

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 1244

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1044 - Jun 19^th, 2009 at 3:02am

Rastas000 Offline
COCIA Diamond Member
Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
Last online: Mar 5^th, 2024 at 11:48am

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 1244

Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”

An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote, “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

“But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”

Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says “Do you know how to drive this?”

What do you call a monkey in a minefield ?

A Baboom !

A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it's no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”.

The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”

Which day of the week do fish hate?.......

Fry-Day

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1045 - Jun 20^th, 2009 at 12:23pm

Kez Offline
COCIA Gold Member
Joined: Apr 13^th, 2009 at 8:50am
Last online: Dec 4^th, 2017 at 11:11am

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 422

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

'So what do you think about that Doc ?'
The doctor considered his question for a minute and
then began to tell a story.

'I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter
and never misses a season.'
One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'

'As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.
He realized he'd left his gun at home, so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if
it were his favourite hunting rifle, and went 'bang, bang'.'

'Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said,
'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else
pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.'

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1046 - Jun 21^st, 2009 at 12:18am

Little_Kopit Offline
COCIA Hall Of Fame
& I, I took the road less
traveled by.
Joined: Dec 19^th, 2005 at 2:05pm
Last online: Apr 13^th, 2020 at 2:27am

Zodiac sign:
Posts: 2254

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports .
They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come He has all his work and I don't have any?'
God just shrugged and said,

JESUS SAVES....

Undecided

My Photo Album, featuring Labrador 2006

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1047 - Jun 21^st, 2009 at 12:07pm

Rastas000 Offline
COCIA Diamond Member
Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
Last online: Mar 5^th, 2024 at 11:48am

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 1244

Little_Kopit wrote on Jun 21^st, 2009 at 12:18am:

JESUS SAVES....

LMAO

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1048 - Jun 23^rd, 2009 at 4:35pm

Derek Offline
COCIA Owner
The "Camp Oven Cook"
Joined: Nov 10^th, 2003 at 2:00pm
Last online: Yesterday at 9:21pm

Gender:
Mood:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 18954

After what happened in Parliament this week one wonders ...........

Quote:

On a recent trip to the U.S.A. Prime Minister Kevin Rudd was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nations in Kitimat, B.C. Due to his experiences in handling the Australian Indigineous situation in Australia.
He spoke for almost an hour on his ideas for increasing every First Nation's present standard of living.
At the conclusion of his speech, the tribes presented the Prime Minister with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
The proud Rudd then departed with his entourage, waving to the crowd as he left.
A news reporter later asked the chiefs how they came to select the new name given to Rudd.
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of ####, it can no longer fly

Retired
Camp Oven Cook

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1049 - Jun 23^rd, 2009 at 5:27pm

TBF Offline
COCIA Legend
COG Tart
Joined: Jul 14^th, 2006 at 10:26pm
Last online: Jun 8^th, 2026 at 12:19am

Gender:
Mood:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 6357

Derek wrote on Jun 23^rd, 2009 at 4:35pm:

After what happened in Parliament this week one wonders ...........

Quote:

On a recent trip to the U.S.A. Prime Minister Kevin Rudd was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nations in Kitimat, B.C. Due to his experiences in handling the Australian Indigineous situation in Australia.
He spoke for almost an hour on his ideas for increasing every First Nation's present standard of living.
At the conclusion of his speech, the tribes presented the Prime Minister with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
The proud Rudd then departed with his entourage, waving to the crowd as he left.
A news reporter later asked the chiefs how they came to select the new name given to Rudd.
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of ####, it can no longer fly

Back to top

IP Logged

	am pm	Welcome, Guest. If this is your first visit to COCIA, be sure to check out the many references on the Help Board. You will have to Login or Register, before you can post. Click the register TAB below to proceed or to start viewing messages, simply select the Board that you want to visit.