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Joke Of The Day - Please Keep Them Clean (Read 437610 times)
 
Reply #1060 - Jul 7th, 2009 at 9:20pm

OzJeeper   Offline
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The Cookenator - I terminate
food!
Joined: Apr 20th, 2008 at 9:42pm
Last online: Nov 25th, 2019 at 7:18pm


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A graphic photo follow so don't click the link unless you have a strong constitution.

The lead male predator (alpha male) is the one responsible for bringing down the prey in the initial stage of the attack.  Normally done by biting down hard on the snout so the animal becomes head heavy and has to slow down.
The second predator has the job of attacking the soft underbelly of the prey causing pain and distraction, as seen by the photo.
The third has the job of adding his weight to the tail, causing the prey to stagger and fall.  Once that occurs the fight is over.

The following graphic link depicts the ferocity of the attack and eventual capitulation of the prey.

Click at your own risk.......you have been warned!

http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k8/OzJeeper/image001-1.jpg
 

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed.       I never knew they worked.
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Reply #1061 - Jul 7th, 2009 at 9:24pm

TBF   Offline
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Grin Grin Grin Grin

Thanks OJ

 

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Reply #1062 - Jul 7th, 2009 at 9:32pm

OzJeeper   Offline
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The Cookenator - I terminate
food!
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TBF wrote on Jul 7th, 2009 at 9:24pm:
Grin Grin Grin Grin

Thanks OJ




No probs!
And a Happy Birthday to you!  (I reads the bottom bit!)  Grin
 

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed.       I never knew they worked.
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Reply #1063 - Jul 8th, 2009 at 10:30am

Michaelb   Offline
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Joined: Nov 26th, 2008 at 12:40pm
Last online: Jul 4th, 2023 at 8:45am

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OJ, I had some reservations before opening this. Grin Grin
 

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #1064 - Jul 8th, 2009 at 3:46pm

Michaelb   Offline
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Last online: Jul 4th, 2023 at 8:45am

Caroline Springs, Victoria, Australia

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THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man.    My wonderful girlfriend

and I had been dating for over a year, and so we

decided to get married. There was only one

little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful

younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very

tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She

would regularly bend down when she was near

me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to

be deliberate, because she never did it when she was

near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to

come over to check the wedding invitations. She was

alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she

had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't

overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once

before I got married and committed my life to her sister.


Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.


She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if

you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'


I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go

up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned

and made a beeline straight to the front door. I

opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing

outside, all clapping!


With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and

said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our

little test. We couldn't ask for a better

man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:   

Always keep your condoms in your car.




 

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #1065 - Jul 9th, 2009 at 10:46am

Michaelb   Offline
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Last online: Jul 4th, 2023 at 8:45am

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THE IRISHMAN AND THE MORMON

A Mormon was seated next to an
Irishman on a flight from Cleveland. After
the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he
would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, 'I'd rather be savagely
raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my
lips.'

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the
attendant and said, 'Me, too,
I didn't know we had a choice.'
 

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #1066 - Jul 14th, 2009 at 7:54pm

Kingsthorpe David   Offline
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International Security Update
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re- categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.
And at a local level...
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "####, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the used of the final escalation level.




 
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Reply #1067 - Jul 15th, 2009 at 7:42pm

Little_Kopit   Offline
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& I, I took the road less
traveled by.
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A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."


The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

I love this part....



"Only when he's been drinking."


Tongue
 
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Reply #1068 - Jul 16th, 2009 at 11:49am

Michaelb   Offline
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Joined: Nov 26th, 2008 at 12:40pm
Last online: Jul 4th, 2023 at 8:45am

Caroline Springs, Victoria, Australia

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An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey .  He wanted to plant his annual  tomato garden, but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over...  I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie


At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.


That  next day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.   

Love you,
Vinnie





 

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #1069 - Jul 16th, 2009 at 11:50am

Michaelb   Offline
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Joined: Nov 26th, 2008 at 12:40pm
Last online: Jul 4th, 2023 at 8:45am

Caroline Springs, Victoria, Australia

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Wine does NOT make you FAT - it makes you LEAN...
(against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people)
 

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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