Russian and an American wrestlers were set to square off for the
Olympic gold medal..

Before the match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and
said "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a
match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in
that hold! If he does, you're finished."
The American nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other
several times, looking for an opening.
All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American
and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.

A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried
his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't bear to watch the inevitable.
Suddenly, there was a long, high pitched scream and then a cheer from
the crowd. The trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up
in the air.
The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud and the American landed on
top of him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded.

When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How ever did you
ever get out of that pretzel hold?  No one has ever done it before!"

The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in
that hold but, at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right
in front of my face.
I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I opened up
and bit them just as hard as I could.'

The trainer exclaimed, "And that broke the Russians hold...?!"
"No, not really. But you'd be amazed how incredibly strong you become
when you bite yourself on the nuts!"

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.

The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.

'Aha!' mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. 'Aha!' said the doctor once more, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his boys were no longer aching.

The doctor said, 'How does that feel now?'

The midget replied, 'Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?'

The doctor replied 'I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.'

Good one for the week



A professor at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.

           

Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

           

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,

           

'Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

           

'Probably drinking beer with his mates,' she answered straight back at him!

           

It took 45 minutes to restore order.........

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME &
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a
wheelchair.. He had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you...you have no legs!

The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'

She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'

Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said...

Rang the doorbell didn't I?

Holy Dooley!


A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said 'I want to be a movie star.'
 
       Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
 
       The agent asked, 'What's your name?'
 
        The guy said, 'My name is thingy van Lesbian.'
 
       The agent said, 'Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name.'
 
       'I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old,  I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever.'
 
        The agent said, 'Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years....you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like thingy van Lesbian!  I'm telling   you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.'
 
       'So be it!  I guess we will not do business together' the guy said and he left the agent's office.
 
       FIVE YEARS LATER... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
 
       Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him       $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...
 
        'Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like thingy van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.
 
       Thank you for your advice.
 
       Sincerely,
 
       Dick van dy ke.



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