AUSTRALIA'S ORIGINAL AND BEST CAMP OVEN AND OUTDOOR COOKING CAMPING AND LIFESTYLE FORUM - Joke Of The Day

Reply #1120 - Nov 3^rd, 2009 at 6:18pm

skiproosel Offline
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INDIANS DON'T USE SADDLES...

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.

An Navaho on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian

would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.

'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station attendant.

'Nothing,' the woman answered.

'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles'

All the best
Skip Smiley

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Reply #1121 - Nov 4^th, 2009 at 7:23pm

skiproosel Offline
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Yippee i ooo

>A cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly
>man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being
>the fastest gun in the West.
>
> The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a
> drink and told him the story of his great ambition.

> 'Do you think you could give me some tips?' he asked.
>
> The old man looked him up and down and said, 'Well, for one thing, you're
> wearing your gun too high, tie the holster a little lower down on your
> leg.'
> 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.
> 'Sure will,'replied the old-timer.
>
> The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the
> bow tie off the piano player.
> 'That's terrific!' said the hot shot. 'Got any more tips for me?'
> 'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits
> it, that'll give you a smoother draw'
> 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the younger man.
> 'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.
> The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a
> blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.
>
> 'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?'
> The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle
> grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'
>
> The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the
> barrel of his gun.
> 'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.'
> 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.
> 'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano,
> he's gonna shove that gun up your ar*e , and it won't hurt as
> much.

SKIP

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Reply #1122 - Nov 5^th, 2009 at 6:27pm

Kingsthorpe David Offline
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A little old lady from Newfoundland had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan.

The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all..." She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms... I can do this! She sent in her entry and about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house. A man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able to use it..."

image001.jpg (58 KB | )

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Reply #1123 - Nov 6^th, 2009 at 10:16pm

skiproosel Offline
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The Tree Hugger

While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco , a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.

Seeing this he inquired, 'Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?'

'I'm listening to the music of the tree,' the other man replied.

'You've gotta be kiddin' me.'

'No, would you like to give it a try?'

Understandably curious, the man says, 'Well, OK...' So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it.

With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelery, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked,
'What the heck happened to you?'

He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.

When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind

the ear and said, 'This just ain't gonna be your day, cupcake...'

Skip Smiley

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Reply #1124 - Nov 6^th, 2009 at 10:30pm

Saltbush Bill Offline
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"WANTED 13 inch Metters
camp oven"
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Reply #1125 - Nov 7^th, 2009 at 5:20pm

skiproosel Offline
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Remember it's only a joke

A guy walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says, "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

The wife, laying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."

The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."

Regards Skip Smiley

I know, I'm running now, incoming

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Reply #1126 - Nov 8^th, 2009 at 5:25am

Cactus Offline
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Thanks Skip
Now my morning coffee is all over the floor.
Muzz

Have Camp Oven will travel

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Reply #1127 - Nov 11^th, 2009 at 7:48pm

TBF Offline
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MEDICARE IN A NUTSHELL

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

"Hello."

"Mrs. Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well...
We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.
Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV.
We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.Sanders.

"Normally we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive tests once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The MEDICARE Helpdesk recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town.

If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him…”

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Reply #1128 - Nov 12^th, 2009 at 5:10am

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
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An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhoea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out of the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter),and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, 'What the heck is going on here?'

The drunk, still staring down at the bed sheets in amazement, replied: 'I think I just beat the sh!t out of a ghost.'

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #1129 - Nov 12^th, 2009 at 8:34am

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
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George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Hey there! Aren't you Moses?"

The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "HEY THERE! Aren't you Moses???"

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes, I am."

George W., a bit peeved at this point then asked, "Why the cold shoulder?"

To which Moses replied, "The last time a bush spoke to me I ended up spending forty years in the wilderness."

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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