AUSTRALIA'S ORIGINAL AND BEST CAMP OVEN AND OUTDOOR COOKING CAMPING AND LIFESTYLE FORUM - Joke Of The Day

Reply #1150 - Dec 6^th, 2009 at 7:25pm

poddy dodger Offline
COCIA Diamond Member
Joined: Jun 3^rd, 2006 at 8:03am
Last online: May 27^th, 2026 at 5:08pm

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 2935

How times have changed, I was just reminiscing with the grandkids about the good old days when my mum would send me down to the corner shop with two bob, and I'd come back with five pounds of spuds, a couple of loaves of bread, a dozen eggs and three pints of milk. You can't do that now, too many bloody security cameras.

pd

When I die I hope my missus doesn't sell my camp ovens for what I told her I paid for them. pd

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1151 - Dec 7^th, 2009 at 6:07am

Rastas000 Offline
COCIA Diamond Member
Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
Last online: Mar 5^th, 2024 at 11:48am

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 1244

poddy dodger wrote on Dec 6^th, 2009 at 7:25pm:

too many bloody security cameras.

Bwahahahahaa I was sucked into that one, thinking, dang thats a lot for 2 bob...

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1152 - Dec 7^th, 2009 at 7:33am

Rastas000 Offline
COCIA Diamond Member
Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
Last online: Mar 5^th, 2024 at 11:48am

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 1244

Passports required soon????

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1153 - Dec 9^th, 2009 at 7:37pm

Derek Offline
COCIA Owner
The "Camp Oven Cook"
Joined: Nov 10^th, 2003 at 2:00pm
Last online: Today at 9:21pm

Gender:
Mood:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 18954

Stole this from another forum Tongue

Quote:

A handful of 7 year old children were asked "What they thought of beer". Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.

"I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets."
--Tim, 7 years old

"Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice. "
--Mellanie, 7 years old

"My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny."
--Grady, 7 years old

"My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing."
--Toby, 7 years old

"My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much.
--Sarah, 7 years old

"My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool."
--Lilly, 7 years old

"I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting."
--Ethan, 7 years old

"I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep."
--Shirley, 7 years old

"My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense."
--Jack, 7 years old

Retired
Camp Oven Cook

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1154 - Dec 11^th, 2009 at 5:45am

Rastas000 Offline
COCIA Diamond Member
Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
Last online: Mar 5^th, 2024 at 11:48am

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 1244

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." "That's very fair, your honor." the husband said "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself!".

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1155 - Dec 11^th, 2009 at 6:04pm

poddy dodger Offline
COCIA Diamond Member
Joined: Jun 3^rd, 2006 at 8:03am
Last online: May 27^th, 2026 at 5:08pm

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 2935

I've been very worried about my missus having an extra-marital affair, y'know, you answer the phone and they hang up without talking, she's buying exotic underwear, wearing expensive perfume, regularly visits the hairdresser and then goes, "out with the girls" a couple of times a week.
The other night I heard a car pull up in our street so I snuck out and hid behind my boat in the driveway, after a minute or two she gets out of this flash car, rearranges her dress, puts her panties back on and it's about then I notice this big crack about 300mm long in the fibreglass hull on my boat.
My question is this, should I have it repaired professionally or do you think it would be ok if I do it myself with some glass mat and resin ?

anon.

When I die I hope my missus doesn't sell my camp ovens for what I told her I paid for them. pd

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1156 - Dec 11^th, 2009 at 10:30pm

JoeB Offline
COCIA Bronze Member
I Love COCIA
Joined: Oct 10^th, 2009 at 10:42pm
Last online: Sep 26^th, 2010 at 7:45pm

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 12

A warning for those of you who may be regular Bunning’s customers.

This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a
victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get
supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough
to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old
girls come over to your car as you are packing your timber and
hardware.

They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with
their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy tops. It is
impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead
ask you for a ride to McDonald's. You agree and they get in the
backseat.

On the way, they remove their tops and start making out, then one of
them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you.

She then takes off your pants and throws them into the backseat.
While the one is keeping you distracted the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen *July* 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,
then again on the 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also, *August* 1st, 7th,
twice on the 8th, and again on the 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th. Then on
*September* 6th, 11th, 14th, three times last *Saturday* and very
likely again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Target has wallets on sale $2.99 each

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1157 - Dec 11^th, 2009 at 10:36pm

JoeB Offline
COCIA Bronze Member
I Love COCIA
Joined: Oct 10^th, 2009 at 10:42pm
Last online: Sep 26^th, 2010 at 7:45pm

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 12

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently.

Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds.

Then he blushed. And the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time..'
"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad, nodding.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1158 - Dec 11^th, 2009 at 10:42pm

JoeB Offline
COCIA Bronze Member
I Love COCIA
Joined: Oct 10^th, 2009 at 10:42pm
Last online: Sep 26^th, 2010 at 7:45pm

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 12

A proposed council tax-evaluation policy will mean reassessment of
current house values which will mean they will charge us more if we
live in a nice area. / That ought to mean discounts for those of us
who live in rough areas/.

There is a huge council house in our street. The extended family is
run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs.
Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate,
but the police still do nothing.
Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for racist comments.
A shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his
son's girl-friend, but nothing has been proved.
All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who
everyone thought was gay.
She has two grandsons who are apparently both in the Army but
they're always out partying in nightclubs. The whole family is out
of control.
I hate living near Windsor Castle.

Back to top

IP Logged

Reply #1159 - Dec 11^th, 2009 at 10:45pm

JoeB Offline
COCIA Bronze Member
I Love COCIA
Joined: Oct 10^th, 2009 at 10:42pm
Last online: Sep 26^th, 2010 at 7:45pm

Gender:
Zodiac sign:
Posts: 12

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home. While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.' The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.' The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?' The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens'

Back to top

IP Logged

	am pm	Welcome, Guest. If this is your first visit to COCIA, be sure to check out the many references on the Help Board. You will have to Login or Register, before you can post. Click the register TAB below to proceed or to start viewing messages, simply select the Board that you want to visit.