Robbo

A lady walks into Tiffany & Co. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to #### yourself when I tell you the price.'

Hairy Armpit.



A large Australian woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”.
The bar went deathly quiet as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed Irish drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed "Give the Ballerina a drink!”. The bartender poured the drink and the Aussie woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, “What Man here will buy a lady a drink?”.
Once again, the same little drunk Irishman slapped his spondoolies  down on the bar and said, “Give the Ballerina another drink!”.
The bartender approached the  drunk and said, “I say, old chap, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink – but why do you keep calling her the “ballerina?”.


“As far as I’m concerned”, the drunk replied, “any woman who can lift her leg that high – has to be a ballerina!!!”

A teenage boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.'
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't gotten your hair cut.'
The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair...and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.'


To this his father replied, 'Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?'

Broccoli Casserole
  A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner.


This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.


It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, 'Skippy!'.


The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her face.

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, 'Skippy!'

Once again the woman smiled and thought 'Yes!' A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.


Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, 'Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!'