A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The
Little boy asked why he wore   his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'

The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'

The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds' and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, 'Maybe you should wear a condom
And put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.'

Those 3 are crackers Michael.
Not sure about the dog called Skippy though.


Skip

Why you should never question a drunk...........


I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected the following:
A litre of milk
A carton of eggs
A carton of orange juice
A 250gram package of bacon
A head of lettuce
A 1 kilogram tin of coffee.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the Cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single.


I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.   Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?' 








The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

Regards Skip


 

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

' Excuse me, Your Holiness, ' says the driver, ' Would you please take your seat so we can leave? '

' Well, to tell you the truth, ' says the Pope, ' they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today. '

' I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen? ' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..

' Who's going to tell? ' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

' Please slow down, Your Holiness! ' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

' Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job! ' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

' I need to talk to the Chief, ' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 155 kph.

' So bust him, ' says the Chief.

' I don't think we want to do that, he's really important, ' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, ' All the more reason! '

' No, I mean really important, ' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, ' Who do you have there, the mayor? '
Cop: ' Bigger. '

Chief: ' A senator? '
Cop: ' Bigger. '   

Chief: ' The Prime Minister? '
Cop: ' Bigger. '

' Well, ' said the Chief, ' who is it? '

Cop: ' I think it's God! '

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ' What makes you think it's God? '

Cop: ' His chauffeur is the Pope! '

 

Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze.

1st Hillbilly says: 'My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. '

2nd Hillbilly says: 'Why is that stupid?'

1st Hillbilly says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!'



2nd Hillbilly says: 'That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of

them new fangled warshin ' machines!'

1st Hillbilly says: 'Why is that so stupid?'

2nd Hillbilly says: ''Cause we ain't got no plummin'!'



3rd Hillbilly says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer

wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer

some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.'

1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: 'Well, what's so dumb about that?'

3rd Hillbilly says: 'She ain't got no pecker.