AUSTRALIA'S ORIGINAL AND BEST CAMP OVEN AND OUTDOOR COOKING CAMPING AND LIFESTYLE FORUM - Joke Of The Day

Reply #1250 - Mar 1^st, 2010 at 7:39pm

Kez Offline
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A husband has just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man of Your House."
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The flipping funeral director would be my first guess."

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Reply #1251 - Mar 1^st, 2010 at 9:56pm

tastey Offline
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A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy.
Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.
Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor.
'I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for conidentiality and that the first rose was from him:
'I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself. '
'The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago.'
'And whatabout the third rose?' she asked.
'That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit.
He wanted to thank you for his new ears.'

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Reply #1252 - Mar 2^nd, 2010 at 7:43am

BeeJay Offline
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Did you here about the rabbit that thought he had a gambling problem?he did he's own doe,he's nextdoor neighbours doe, and five buck's all on the same day!

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Reply #1253 - Mar 3^rd, 2010 at 10:18pm

Derek Offline
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A man applying for a job at a Mildura lemon grove seemed
to be far too qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; have
you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

The man replied: "Yes, I have. I've been divorced three times,
bought a Pajero and I voted for Kevin Rudd."

Retired
Camp Oven Cook

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Reply #1254 - Mar 4^th, 2010 at 10:09am

Michaelb Offline
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LOL

02032010057.jpeg (43 KB | )

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #1255 - Mar 5^th, 2010 at 12:20pm

Michaelb Offline
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TOP TEN THOUGHTS FOR 2010

Number 10

Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?

Number 2
In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2010
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

And the BONUS thought for today
"Life is like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow".

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #1256 - Mar 5^th, 2010 at 4:01pm

poddy dodger Offline
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Here's a solution to the fuss about x-rays and body scanners at airports, it was suggested by an engineer at NASA in the USA.
Install bomb proof booths at all airports in which there are devices that will detonate any explosives concealed on a person.... end of problem.

pod

When I die I hope my missus doesn't sell my camp ovens for what I told her I paid for them. pd

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Reply #1257 - Mar 10^th, 2010 at 7:16am

Michaelb Offline
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New Government Seal:

Official Announcement: From Kevin Dudd

The federal government today announced that it is changing the coat of arms to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance..
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #1258 - Mar 10^th, 2010 at 7:16am

Michaelb Offline
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Subject: Fw: Sunday afternoon 'quickie'

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their
8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony
with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted
'An ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like the Anderson's have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skate board!

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are shagging!!'
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called
out, 'How do you know they're shagging?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar.

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #1259 - Mar 10^th, 2010 at 10:00am

TBF Offline
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Michaelb wrote on Mar 10^th, 2010 at 7:16am:

Subject: Fw: Sunday afternoon 'quickie'

Aart

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