Bbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!


   
  It's  late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota  asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be  cold  or mild.

   
Since  he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old  secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter  was going to be like.

   
Nevertheless,  to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed  going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect  firewood to be prepared.
   
But,  being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He  went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and  asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be  cold?'

   
'It  looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist  at the weather service responded.

   
So  the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more  firewood in order to be prepared.

   
A  week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it  still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'   

   
'Yes,'  the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be  a very cold winter.'

   
The  chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect  every scrap of firewood they could find.

   
Two  weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again.  'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very  cold?'

   
'Absolutely,'  the man replied.  'It's looking more and more like it is going  to be one of the coldest winters we've ever  seen.'

   
'How  can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The  weatherman replied, 'The  Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood'

Skip

Gotta love Rye Bread


Two old guys, one 84 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.  The 84 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 84 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard"
He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this #### but me."



Regards Skip
     

Foo Foo the Snoo


A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine.  He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.   

A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.

The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's called Turpentine.'

The Priest said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby.'

The little boy replied, 'If you rub turpentine on a cat's arse, he'll pass a Harley Davidson !'



Skip
           

It's ONLY a Joke


Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was
constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.
Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.



Her daughter immediately replied, "Mum! I have someone for you to
meet."



Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after
dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend away.



Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood
nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday
suit.



Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"



She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore,
but down there I am still in mourning."



He knew he was not getting lucky that
night.



The following night was the same-   she stood there wearing the
black    panties, and   he was in his birthday suit-but now he was
wearing a black condom.



She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"



He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."


Skip (ducking)

pinched from another site




The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'

OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'