Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #1500 - Apr 29^th, 2016 at 1:14pm

Derek Offline
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Stubby wrote on Apr 29^th, 2016 at 12:44pm:

If Donald Trump becomes president, he'll be the first billionaire to move into public housing that has just had a black family evicted from it.

That's no joke Grin

Retired
Camp Oven Cook

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Reply #1501 - Apr 29^th, 2016 at 1:52pm

Little_Kopit Offline
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Minor detail. Barack Obama is only about 50% black.

Smiley

My Photo Album, featuring Labrador 2006

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Reply #1502 - Feb 6^th, 2017 at 5:57pm

tadpole Offline
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Pinjarra, WA, Western Australia, Australia

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The rain was pouring down, standing in front of of a big puddle outside the pub, was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.
A passer-by stopped and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Fishing" replied the old man.
Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, " Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me."
In the warmth of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gent cannot resist asking,
"So how many have you caught today?"
"You're the eighth" says the old man.

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Reply #1503 - Mar 7^th, 2017 at 6:26am

diesel Offline
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Campin' & fishin' - life
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Sapphire, Central Qld, Queensland, Australia

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A man goes into Angus and Robertsons and asks the young female clerk, "Do you have the new book that’s out for men with short penises? I can't remember the title."

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

"That's the one," the man said, "I'll take a copy."

Never trust a man who doesn't drink or a town without a pub.

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Reply #1504 - Mar 7^th, 2017 at 6:42am

diesel Offline
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Beware, Warning: Scam for Older Men

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at shopping centres and in dark car parks etc.

This is the first warning I have seen for men.

I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Bunnings, Mitre10, or even K-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, university-aged girls will come over to your car or ute as you are packing your stuff into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they get in. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen December 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also February 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th and very likely again this upcoming weekend. I was away most of January.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

K-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for 99 cents at the two dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 9 kilos just running back and forth from Bunnings, to Mitre 10, to K-Mart etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.

Never trust a man who doesn't drink or a town without a pub.

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Reply #1505 - May 14^th, 2017 at 1:33pm

Stubby Offline
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If you want a good chuckle, google 'Kiwi Deck ad'. It gave me a laugh. Grin

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Reply #1506 - May 15^th, 2017 at 9:48pm

Rufzgutz Offline
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The deck ad has been around for a while with many versions.

Always gets a laugh from me Grin

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Reply #1507 - Aug 24^th, 2017 at 6:18pm

LiveFireGriller Offline
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A senior citizen was sitting at a bar..

A young woman walked in and sat down a couple seats over.

The old man got up, shuffled over to her, leaned over and asked, "So.. do I come here often?"

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Reply #1508 - Aug 25^th, 2017 at 6:46pm

LiveFireGriller Offline
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Cat for Sale:

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store, and he does a double take.

He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."

The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

The owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

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Reply #1509 - Aug 29^th, 2017 at 6:13pm

LiveFireGriller Offline
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A woman was making breakfast for her husband when he ran into the kitchen with an alarmed expression..

"TURN 'EM EGGS!! TURN'EM BEFORE THEY BURN!!!"

"GOOD LORD, WE ARE GOING TO NEED MORE BUTTER!!!

GET IT! GET IT!!! DAMN THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!!"

The wife looked at him with a puzzled expression and continued.

"HOLY ####! NOT SO MUCH SALT AND PEPPER!!! JUST A BIT!! YOU WILL RUIN THEM!!!"

The wife turned around and shouted, "WHAT THE ###### IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"Nothing", replied the husband in a calm and even tone.

"Just wanted to give you an idea of what it's like when I am driving with you by my side."

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