Sorry Billy

COOTER & GOMER 
                                                                     
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.   
The morgue needed someone to identify the body,   
so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.   
The three men had always done everything together.   
                                                                  
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,   
Cooter said,  'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad.  You better roll him over.'    
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Bubba.'         
The mortician thought this was rather strange.   
   
So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.                                          
Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.'      
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Bubba.'         
The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'   
   
Gomer said, 'Well, Bubba had two assholes.'                                 
'What?  He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.                
'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say,   
                       
'There's Bubba with them two assholes.'

Have a good day everyone!
Skip

Bureau of Meteorology

It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea. He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked, 'Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?' The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold.'

So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' he asked. 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.' 'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked.

The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign

The red hat's a nice touch Carolyn.
He He!

Skip

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,' Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that
could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives and girlfriends; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking
when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?


Grrr!!!