THE 3 DOLLS

The three Dolls in a man's life are:


1........His Daughter, 'Baby doll'


2........His Girlfriend, 'Barbie doll' 

 
3........His Wife, 'Panadol '.


Regards Skip

  A Fairytale

 



One day, long, long ago..... There lived a woman who did not whine, nag or b*tch.





But this was a long time ago..... And it was just that one day.

The End


Take it easy
Skip
 


 

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.   

     The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'   
     He says 'Yes - just caffeine' 

     'Have you ever been in the service?'   
     'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.' 

     The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then asks,   
     'Are you disabled in any way?   
     The guy says, 'Yes 100%...an IED exploded near me and blew my test1cles off.' 

     The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now. Normal hours are from 8      AM to 4 PM. You can start to morrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.' 

     The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?   

     'This is a government job,' the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.'

Aart

Assortment

1.        Two blondes walk into a building ... you'd think at least one of
them would have seen it.

2.        Phone answering machine message ... 'If you want to buy
mariju*na, press the hash key.'

3.        A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for
shorts.The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4.        I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.

5.        I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 quid that
he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'

7.        My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled
him in.

8.        A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off.'

9.        I went to a seafood disco last week ... and pulled a muscle.

10.        Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in
the craft and it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

11.        Our ice-cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

12.        A man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his
head. The doctor says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

13.        'Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.'
'That's the Tom Jones syndrome.'  'Is it common?'  'It's not unusual.'

14.        A man takes his Rotweiller to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a
look at him.' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says,
'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What, because he's cross-eyed?' 'No,
because he's really heavy.'

15.        A guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball
stuck up my backside.'  'How's that?'  'Don't you start!'

16.        Two elephants walk off a cliff ... boom, boom!

17.        What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

18.        So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me, 'Can
you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
go for it.'

19.        Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's not me so it's either
my Mum or my Dad, my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
I think it's Colin.

20.        Two fat blokes in a pub. One says to the other, 'Your round.'
The other one says, 'So are you, you fat git!'

21.        Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery
acid and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

22. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
today. They left a little note on my windscreen which said, 'Parking Fine.' So
that was nice.

23.  A man walked into the doctor ' and said, 'I've hurt my arm in
several places.' The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore.'

24.  Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small
two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue
workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to rise
as digging continues into the night.


Have a nice day everyone
Regards Skip

TWO WOMEN TALKING IN HEAVEN

1st Woman:  Hello!  My name is Maggie.

2nd Woman:  Hello!  I'm Sylvia.  How did you die?

1st Woman:  I froze to death.

2nd Woman:  How awful!

1st Woman:  It wasn't so bad.  After I stopped shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death.  What about you?

2nd Woman:  I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.  But instead I found him all by himself in the house watching TV.

1st Woman:  So what happened?

2nd Woman:  I was so sure there was another woman somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.  I ran up into the attic and searched and then down into the cellar.  I went through each wardrobe and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st Woman:  Too bad you didn't look in the freezer.   We'd both still be alive.


All the best
Skip