Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #410 - Aug 2^nd, 2008 at 3:54am

Little_Kopit Offline
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Speaking from experience.

Make some chili one year, using dried chilis for the 'flavour'. Can it in mason jars. Eat it 10 months later. If you're a northerner, that will be hot enough.

No doubt Texans would consider it bland.

Tongue

My Photo Album, featuring Labrador 2006

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Reply #411 - Aug 2^nd, 2008 at 8:11pm

TBF Offline
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Sonny Bill Williams Jokes

These are for the Rugby League followers..

Q: How many SBW's does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. SBW prefers to keep people in the dark

Q: Whats the difference between SBW and Arnold Schwartzenegger?

A: Armold Schwartzenegger will be back.

Q: Why wouldn't SBW ever catch his best mate with his girlfreind?

A: Sonny bill doesnt walk in on his mates, He walks out on them

Q: Whats the difference between SBW and my house?

A: My house still has fans

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Reply #412 - Aug 2^nd, 2008 at 9:40pm

skiproosel Offline
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Morning in it's Glory

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil some eggs for breakfast.
He walks in.
She turns to him and says "You've gotta make love to me this very moment."
His eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky day." and not wanting to lose the moment,he embraces her & gives it his all. Yep right there on the kitchen table.

She says "Thanks" and returns to the stove.
He is more than a little puzzled, so he asks "What was that all about?"
She replies "The egg timer's broken"

How would you feel???

Regards Skiproosel Smiley

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Reply #413 - Aug 3^rd, 2008 at 2:34pm

The_Pensioner Offline
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It's been a little while since I've had a real gut buster but Duncan & TBF sorted that out, well & truly.
I was half hang'in outta the chair after I got through the 'chilli tasting' & the story about the 'Tazer' just finished me off!
Well done lads, that's definitely given my sense of humour a work out, at least. Funny stuff - no doubt about it.
Grin

Hooroo for now,
TP Smiley

'Keep yer powder dry'

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Reply #414 - Aug 3^rd, 2008 at 8:12pm

Crazy Dog Offline
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The truth I am to

ld

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put wi[b]ndow up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Unfortunately, most of this part
is the Truth.!!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required
amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on
to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call
them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access
to machine due to its excessive distance
from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary
with your PIN written on the inside
back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet
and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register
and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder,
and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver
waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake. [/size]

[/b]

Grrr!!! Smiley

I love small, furry, defenseless little animals - especially in gravy!!!

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Reply #415 - Aug 4^th, 2008 at 9:16am

rossco Offline
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What has Cher and the Bulldogs got in common ??

They have both been screwed by Sonny.

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Reply #416 - Aug 4^th, 2008 at 12:52pm

skiproosel Offline
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Words escape me.

Regards Skip Smiley

Hare_Small.JPG (37 KB | )

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Reply #417 - Aug 5^th, 2008 at 7:05am

Duncan MacDuff Offline
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A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender that he should get free drinks as he is the toughest guy in the world; he has done everything and been everywhere.

The bartender notices that the guy is already half drunk and likely should not be served anything but coffee and water tells him the following: "Ok, how about this. In the other room there is a full grown crocodile with a real bad tooth, and upstairs there is a prostitute that can't be satisfied by anyone. You pull the bad tooth from the croc and satisfy the prostitute, i'll give you free drinks for the rest of the night."

"Done!" says the guy and he heads into the room with the croc.

In moments of the door closing the most horrendous noises come out of the room. the sounds of crashes and yells, screams and curses flow freely from behind the closed door for a good 30 minutes. Then with a great yell and more crashing it all goes quiet.

No one in the bar moves for several minutes. Then just as the bartender is about to go check, the door opens and out walks the guy looking like heck.

He staggers forward and asks in a raised voice "Now, where is that prostitute with the bad tooth?".

Grin

In Service,
Duncan

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Reply #418 - Aug 5^th, 2008 at 11:16am

TBF Offline
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After retiring, this fella went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to
verify his age. HeI looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He apologised, saying thathe would have to go home and come
back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So he opened his revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed his Social Security application.
When he got home, he excitedly told the wife about his experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten a disability pension as well".

Aart

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Reply #419 - Aug 5^th, 2008 at 5:16pm

poddy dodger Offline
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This story was told to me and claimed to be true.
A woman was driving up the Pacific Highway a bit over the speed limit and was pulled over by a highway patrol officer. He approached the drivers side and before he could say a word the woman driver said,
"I suppose you're selling tickets to the Highway Patrol ball officer?
He came back with,
"The Highway Patrol don't have balls madam,"
then when it dawned on him what he'd said he closed his book and retreated to his pursuit car without another word.

pd

When I die I hope my missus doesn't sell my camp ovens for what I told her I paid for them. pd

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