Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #430 - Aug 10^th, 2008 at 8:18pm

Crazy Dog Offline
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skiproosel wrote on Aug 10^th, 2008 at 7:57pm:

Thought for theday: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today thanon Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a largeelderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely norecollection of what to do with them.

Pleez explain!!!!

Grrr!!!

Ps. There is plenty of new construction going on up here in Cairns if ya interested. Huge erections...

hard to keep up with it all....
Smiley

I love small, furry, defenseless little animals - especially in gravy!!!

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Reply #431 - Aug 10^th, 2008 at 8:39pm

skiproosel Offline
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WHO IS THIS

Have another look

Another angle

Yeah it beats me too!!

Have a nice day everyone
Regards Skip Smiley

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Reply #432 - Aug 12^th, 2008 at 6:03am

Carolyn™ Offline
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Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me T**s
By Pam Ayres

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers,
Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,
Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me t**s.

'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning.
It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning,
And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me t**s.

'Cos tits can be such troublesome things
When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.
And although they go well with my Bingo wings,
I wish I'd looked after me t**s.

When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow,
When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low,
When they're less of a friend and more of a foe,
Then I wish I'd looked after me t**s.

When I was young I got whistles and hoots,
From the men on the site to the men in the suits,
Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me t**s.

When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters,
Cruising around with my favourite suitors.
Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,
I wish I'd looked after me t**s.

When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,
When they're less in the air and more near the floor,
When people see less of them rather than more,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me t**s.

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Reply #433 - Aug 12^th, 2008 at 5:50pm

wazza5262 Offline
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I Love Camp Oven Cooking
and camping ,shooting
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dunno skip but has a nice smoile Roll Eyes

wazza

cheers warren ... lives in Ipswich Queensland Australia.. Hi all o/s visters

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Reply #434 - Aug 12^th, 2008 at 7:10pm

Cactus Offline
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She is just my type...A woman.

Muzzskiproosel wrote on Aug 10^th, 2008 at 8:39pm:

WHO IS THIS

Have another look

Another angle

Yeah it beats me too!!

Have a nice day everyone
Regards Skip Smiley

Have Camp Oven will travel

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Reply #435 - Aug 13^th, 2008 at 8:31am

wazza5262 Offline
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A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"
wazza Grin

cheers warren ... lives in Ipswich Queensland Australia.. Hi all o/s visters

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Reply #436 - Aug 13^th, 2008 at 2:41pm

Robbo Offline
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Oil Change
instructions for Women:

1) Drive into
Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since
the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of
coffee
, read free
paper.
3) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a
properly maintained vehicle.

Money
spent:

Oil
Change: $40.00

Coffee:
$2.00

Total:
$42.00

Oil Change
instructions for Men:

1) Wait until
Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
cheque for $50.00.

2) Stop by the
Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40,
drive home.

3) Open a beer
and drink it.

4) Jack car up.
Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack
stands under caravan.

6) In
frustration, open another beer and drink
it.

7) Place drain
pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16
box end wrench.

9) Give up and
use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain
plug.

11) Drop drain
plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Curse and swear.

12) Crawl out
from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty
litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another
beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30
minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up;
crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
and twist off.

16) Crawl out
from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among
trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a
beer.

17) Install new
oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.

18) Dump first
litre of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember
drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find
drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink
beer.

22) Discover that
first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty
litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain
plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink
beer.

24) Crawl under
car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag
used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any
excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin
swearing fit.

26) Throw stupid
crescent wrench.

27) Swear for
additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling
trophy.

28)
Beer.

29) Clean up
hands and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.

30)
Beer.

31) Dump in five
fresh litres of oil.

32)
Beer.

33) Lower car
from jack stands.

34) Move car back
to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any
missed steps.

35)
Beer.

36) Test drive
car.

37) Get pulled
over: arrested for driving under the
influence.

38) Car is
impounded.

39) Call loving
wife, make bail.

40) 12 hours
later, get car from impound yard.

Money
spent:

Parts:
$50.00

DUI:
$2500.00

Impound fee:
$75.00

Bail:
$1500.00

Beer:
$40.00

Total:
$4,185.00

But you know the
job was done right!

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

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Reply #437 - Aug 13^th, 2008 at 2:46pm

Robbo Offline
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COCIA....its a sickness
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A LITTLE EDUCATION GETS YOU INTO SPORTS

'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.' (Shane Wakelin).

'Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.' (Mick Malthouse - Collingwood).

'I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.' (Peter Bell - Fremantle - on his University Law studies).

'You guys line up alphabetically by height.' and 'You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.' (Barry Hall Sydney Captain at training).

'I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.' Brock Maclean (Melbourne) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt:

'He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.' (Kevin Sheedy on James Hird).

'It's basically the same, just darker.' Jonathan Brown, on night Grand Finals vs Day Games

'I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Barass, I don't know and I don't care.' Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton

'I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first.' Barry Hall (Sydney) when asked about the upcoming season

'Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago' (Dermott Brereton).

'Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator.' (Mark Williams).

'We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored.' (Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles).

'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.' (Luke Darcy).

'That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical.' (Dermott Brereton).

'Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious.' (Adrian Anderson).

'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.' (Andrew Demetriou).

'I would not say he (Chris Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL but there are none better.' (Dermott Brereton).

'I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.' (Terry Wallace).

Garry Lyon: ' Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?' David Swartz: 'On what?'

'Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.' (Dermott Brereton).

'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.' (Dermott Brereton).

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

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Reply #438 - Aug 13^th, 2008 at 3:56pm

BillyBushCook Offline
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Some one said they wanted
hot coals??
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Robbo wrote on Aug 13^th, 2008 at 2:41pm:

Oil Change
instructions for Women:

Oil Change
instructions for Men:

LOL,

Classic Robbo!!!!!
Somethings never change!!
Mick,

Live while your'e alive, you can sleep when your'e dead.

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Reply #439 - Aug 13^th, 2008 at 4:41pm

poddy dodger Offline
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Robbo, I always remember the Jack Gibson classic when talking about Andrew Ettinhausen, "Fast mate ? He's so fast he turns off the light and gets into bed before the room goes dark".

pd

When I die I hope my missus doesn't sell my camp ovens for what I told her I paid for them. pd

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