Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #440 - Aug 13^th, 2008 at 8:30pm

skiproosel Offline
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Spotted some Dickhead in the local pool

Regards Skip

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Reply #441 - Aug 13^th, 2008 at 11:26pm

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Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.

But every now and then he'd hear an internal reassuring voice in his
head that said: 'Dave, don't worry about it.
You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their
patients and you won't be the last.

And you're single. Just let it go.'

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to
reality.

Whispering......

Dave.......

Dave.......

Dave.......

Dave........

Dave........

Dave........

........YOU'RE A VET.

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Reply #442 - Aug 14^th, 2008 at 7:52pm

skiproosel Offline
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LITTLE BOYS

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' Eight,' the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'

The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.'

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Reply #443 - Aug 14^th, 2008 at 7:59pm

Derek Offline
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skiproosel wrote on Aug 14^th, 2008 at 7:52pm:

LITTLE BOYS

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' Eight,' the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'

The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.'

Hahahahahahahaha. TV is destroying our kids. Grin

Retired
Camp Oven Cook

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Reply #444 - Aug 15^th, 2008 at 7:52am

Carolyn™ Offline
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Reply #445 - Aug 15^th, 2008 at 5:56pm

skiproosel Offline
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Makes me proud to be an Aussie

"Is this the police?"
"Yes it is. How can we help you?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbour, Wazza. He's hiding cocaine inside his firewood!"

"Thank you very much for the call."
The next day, police officers descend on Wazza's house in great numbers.
They search the house and then go out to the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of firewood but they find no cocaine.

They swear at Wazza and leave. The phone rings at Wazza's house.
"Hey,Wazz. Did the cops come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop up your firewood?"
"Yep."

"Happy Birthday, maaaaaaaaaate"

All the best
Skip Smiley

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Reply #446 - Aug 15^th, 2008 at 7:22pm

skiproosel Offline
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THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish
you were married, or wish you weren't married, this
is something to smile about the next time you see a
bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business
trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like
a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into
the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old
woman just sat silently, looking intently at
everything she saw, studying every little detail,
until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to
Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's
a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or
two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,
she said:

'Good trade......'

A true story they say!!

Regards Skip Smiley

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Reply #447 - Aug 15^th, 2008 at 7:40pm

skiproosel Offline
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Joke Of The Day:
Legendary Proverbs:

Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.

War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.

Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

Man who drops watch in toilet bound to have crappy time.

Crowded elevator smells different to midget.

Have a nice day
Skip Smiley

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Reply #448 - Aug 15^th, 2008 at 7:47pm

skiproosel Offline
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You may not know that many non-living things have a gender.
For Example .
1) Freezer Bags
Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Photocopiers
Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up
again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons
are pushed, but they can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) Tyres
Male, because they go bald and they are often over-inflated.

4) Hot Air Balloons
Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's lots of hot air.
5) Sponges
Female because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) Web Pages
Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) Railway Stations
Male, because they use the same old lines to pick people up.

8) Hourglass
Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) Hammer
Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years,
but it's still handy to have around.

10) Remote Control

Female...... Ha!
You thought it would be male, but consider this --
They give a man pleasure, and he'd be lost without one. And while he doesn't
always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

All the best
Skip

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Reply #449 - Aug 16^th, 2008 at 1:48pm

skiproosel Offline
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A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same Tricks, over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each Week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, Look, Its not the same hat!' or, 'Look, he's hiding the flowers under The Table!' or Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?'

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, The Captain's parrot. Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, Drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the Middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... With the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This Went on for a day...

And then 2 days ... And then 3 days

Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and Said,

'OK, I give up. Where's the f***in' ship?'

Regards Skip

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