Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #460 - Aug 18^th, 2008 at 10:09pm

skiproosel Offline
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Yeah I did the test too and a large picture of the Fonz flashed up on the screen,and one of his front teeth was gold.

Regards Skiproosel

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Reply #461 - Aug 18^th, 2008 at 10:19pm

TBF Offline
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skiproosel wrote on Aug 18^th, 2008 at 10:09pm:

Yeah I did the test too and a large picture of the Fonz flashed up on the screen,and one of his front teeth was gold.

Regards Skiproosel

Skip and Troy your're both telling porkies.
Grin

Aart

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Reply #462 - Aug 19^th, 2008 at 8:32am

Robbo Offline
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My First Time

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so.
I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy.

There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.'

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and

slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was

on tight and secure.

I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store

to see if it was empty. It was empty.

'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her

blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.

'Do these excite you?' she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that

unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW,

I was done within a few minutes.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown.

'Did you put that condom on?' she asked.

'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.

Robbo

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

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Reply #463 - Aug 19^th, 2008 at 6:30pm

skiproosel Offline
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Are you being served Madam

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to #### yourself when I tell you the price.'

Have a nice day

Regards Skip Smiley

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Reply #464 - Aug 20^th, 2008 at 8:39am

wazza5262 Offline
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I Love Camp Oven Cooking
and camping ,shooting
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Get it Straight

A cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver says, "Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday

wazza

cheers warren ... lives in Ipswich Queensland Australia.. Hi all o/s visters

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Reply #465 - Aug 20^th, 2008 at 9:40am

keviny6 Offline
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I Love COCIA
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Robbo wrote on Aug 19^th, 2008 at 8:32am:

My First Time

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so.
I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy.

There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.'

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and

slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was

on tight and secure.

I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store

to see if it was empty. It was empty.

'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her

blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.

'Do these excite you?' she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that

unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW,

I was done within a few minutes.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown.

'Did you put that condom on?' she asked.

'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.

Robbo

roghto go to the top of the class Cheesy

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Reply #466 - Aug 21^st, 2008 at 12:49pm

skiproosel Offline
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Aunty Mildred

Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.

Later that night........ Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

All the best
Skip

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Reply #467 - Aug 21^st, 2008 at 12:52pm

skiproosel Offline
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Doctor's Office Receptionist

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.

I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk....
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?

''There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'

'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.'

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?

''There's something wrong with my ear', he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it', he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.
Mess with seniors?
You're going to lose!

All the best
Skip Smiley

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Reply #468 - Aug 21^st, 2008 at 7:45pm

Crazy Dog Offline
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Just love life.....
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The code unravelled..

Grrr!!! Grin

I love small, furry, defenseless little animals - especially in gravy!!!

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Reply #469 - Aug 21^st, 2008 at 7:54pm

Derek Offline
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The "Camp Oven Cook"
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At Last, A Smart Blonde

"Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago, and I hadn't paid for them yet.

Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year: namely that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

'Hel-loooooo!!' (I told him). 'It's been a year!'

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up... he hasn't called back.

Probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me. Bet he won't underestimate MY intelligence again!"

Retired
Camp Oven Cook

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