Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #40 - Mar 26^th, 2008 at 12:24am

Little_Kopit Offline
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Being serious Skip, some links for you:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moose Scroll down for the Moose range map.

Bison or Buffalo ranged over much of North America. Buffalo has been the more popular term. I grew up in Buffalo Valley, Pennsylvania. Buffalo, New York is that state's 2nd largest city.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bison

& we have: http://www.pc.gc.ca/pn-np/nt/woodbuffalo/index_E.asp

There are buffalo/bison farms in many locations. One has been on this island, but I don't know if it's still here.

Your statutory incident could be many places.

Undecided

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Reply #41 - Mar 26^th, 2008 at 7:31am

Cornelius Offline
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Little Johnnie

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was
invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little
Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the
baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking
of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he
understood completely.

When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.'
The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.
Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little
hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?'

'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will
have 20/20 vision.'

'That's great', said Little Johnnie,'coz he'd be f****d if he needed glasses'.

1952 Dutchman

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Reply #42 - Apr 3^rd, 2008 at 9:32pm

The_Pensioner Offline
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Brace yourselves folks - my first crack at a new topic.

A woman sitting in an outback pub suddenly began to cough.
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, & two locals, Bluey & Bazza enjoying a beer at the next table, turned to look at her.

'Ken yer swaller?' asked Bluey

The woman signalled 'NO!' , desperately shaking her head

'Kin ya breathe?' asked Bazza. Again the woman shook her head 'NO!!!

With that, Bluey walked up behind her, lifted her dress, yanked down her knickers & ran his tongue up & down the crack of her arse.

This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew from her mouth & she began to breathe again.

Bluey swaggered back to his table, under rousing applause & cheers, & took a deep pull from his beer.

Bazza said in admiration 'Ya know Bluey, I'd heard of that bloody
Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that the first time I ever seen somebody do it'.

Righto, enough from me!
Hooroo for now,
Ad

'Keep yer powder dry'

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Reply #43 - Apr 4^th, 2008 at 12:58am

Robbo Offline
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Went for a walk down by the river the other day and came across a man and his dog sitting there fishing. I watched them for a while until the man started getting a bite on his rod.
The dog jumped up immediately, grabbed the rod in his mouth and hooked the fish for the man to reel in.
Absolutely amazed I commented to the man on how intelligent his dog was and asked him if he could do any other tricks.
He replied "well...he can do backward somersaults."
"Really!" I was amazed, "How many somersaults?"
"Depends how hard I kick him if he misses a bite."

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

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Reply #44 - Apr 4^th, 2008 at 10:13am

rossco Offline
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Walking down our street the other day and going past this old blokes house , and i noticed he was sitting down playing cards with his border collie dog. So i walked up to him and said
"mate your dog must be bloody smart"
and he replied
"smart , he's not real smart at all , everytime he gets a good hand he wags his tail"

Rossco

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Reply #45 - Apr 4^th, 2008 at 10:40am

Furphyslinger Offline
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Two breasts were talking to each other when ones turns to the other and says
"If we dont get some support soon people are going to think we are nuts"!!!!!!!!!

If you don't know the bush then you have never lived life to the full

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Reply #46 - Apr 5^th, 2008 at 6:30am

Little_Kopit Offline
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Reverend Ole was the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church,
and Pastor Sven was the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church
across the road. I saw them yesterday standing by the road, pounding
a sign into the ground, that reads :

"Da End iss Near!
Turn Yourself Aroundt Now!
Before It's Too Late!"

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled,
"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

From the curve we heard screeching tires and a big splash... Rev.
Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should
yust say 'Bridge Out'?"

Roll Eyes

My Photo Album, featuring Labrador 2006

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Reply #47 - Apr 5^th, 2008 at 8:35am

Furphyslinger Offline
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Mobster was sick and tired of his always whining wife so decides to get rid of her
so he calls in his hit man and tells him what he wants done
No worries boss the hit man says tomorrow I will arrange to meet her somewhere quiet and I will put a bullet an inch below her left breast

Dont you ever listen says the mobster I told you I wanted her dead not bloody kneecapped

If you don't know the bush then you have never lived life to the full

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Reply #48 - Apr 6^th, 2008 at 7:50pm

skiproosel Offline
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Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.

He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company.

He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets.

He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer.Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire.

He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ....What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame...what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either.

His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.

Have a nice day
Regards Skip

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Reply #49 - Apr 6^th, 2008 at 8:00pm

skiproosel Offline
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These classifieds were actually put in the paper -

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.. Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog...able
To leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG . Looks like a rat . Been out a while. Better
be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES California grown - 89 cents/lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

And the best one:
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45
Volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed,
Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

All the best
Skip

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