OJ Simpson....

One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

'I don't know what to do here,' says the devil.

'You are on my list, but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a few folks here who
weren't quite as bad as you.

I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.

OJ said 'OK' so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water.

Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed.

Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

'No,' OJ said. 'I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long.'

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was George W. Bush with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing
that hammer, time after time after time.

'No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all

I could do was break rocks all day, said OJ.

The devil opened a third door.

Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs
restrained in a spread-eagle pose.

Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, 'Yeah man, I can  handle this.'

The devil smiled and said . . . . .


'
'
'
'
'OK, Monica, you're free to go.'  

The Knob
A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems:

First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'

The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'

She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.


Have a nice day
Skip

How do get a fat chick into bed..

A piece of cake.. a piece of cake

Why do irishmen wear two condoms?

To be sure, to be sure.


Robbo

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Kmart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The door greeter says, 'Good morning and welcome to Kmart, nice children you've got there. Are they twins?'

The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl: 'Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you really think they look alike, you d*ckhead?'

'Absolutely not,' replies the greeter, 'I just can't believe anyone would shag you twice .... '


I am a norty boy! Iam a norty boy!  I am a norty boy! Iam a norty boy!  I am a norty boy! Iam a norty boy!  I am a norty boy! Iam a norty boy!  I am a norty boy! Iam a norty boy!  I am a norty boy! Iam a norty boy!  I am a norty boy! Iam a norty boy!  I am a norty boy! Iam a norty boy!  ...


Grrr!!!