Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #550 - Sep 19^th, 2008 at 8:01am

Robbo Offline
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When my wife wants my opinion, She'll give it to me.

Robbo

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

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Reply #551 - Sep 19^th, 2008 at 9:13am

OzJeeper Offline
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The Cookenator - I terminate
food!
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked.

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Reply #552 - Sep 19^th, 2008 at 5:53pm

Crazy Dog Offline
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You know! Whatshisname

...

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ..... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Grrr!!!

Runnin 4 the bloody door..... Grin

I love small, furry, defenseless little animals - especially in gravy!!!

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Reply #553 - Sep 19^th, 2008 at 5:55pm

Crazy Dog Offline
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A WOMENS POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man,who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and stong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash,won't be annoyed,
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Know what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to the end,
And always be my best friend.

A MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course, and who loves to send me fishing and drinking. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a bleep . Wink

The End

I love small, furry, defenseless little animals - especially in gravy!!!

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Reply #554 - Sep 19^th, 2008 at 7:07pm

LogFire Offline
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Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'
Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?'
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'
Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'
Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.'
' Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
'What's that?'
'Have you farted yet?'
'No.'
'Well, DON'T, ' cause I'm in Perth.'

LogFire

I have gone off to find myself. If I get back before I return,keep me here.

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Reply #555 - Sep 19^th, 2008 at 10:24pm

Robbo Offline
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COCIA....its a sickness
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Melbourne Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem.
The Gorilla was on heat..

To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Graham, a big Kiwi lad & former All Black, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery. Graham, like most Kiwis, seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.. So the Zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.

Graham was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have Sex with the gorilla for $500?
Graham showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Graham announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
'Fust,' he said, 'I don't want to have to kuss er.'
'Sicondly, you must niver niver tull anyone about thus.'
The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what his third condition was.
'Wull,' said Graham, 'You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500

Robbo

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

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Reply #556 - Sep 19^th, 2008 at 10:27pm

Robbo Offline
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COCIA....its a sickness
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Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.

All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!

He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.

'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave.

The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered,

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!'

Immediately, there was the answer.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.

As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking,

'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.

There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'

With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read...............

You'll like this

NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

Robbo

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

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Reply #557 - Sep 20^th, 2008 at 1:35pm

Crazy Dog Offline
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She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray for 45 minutes. When he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

'Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?'

'Morris Fishbien,' he replied.

'Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall to pray?'

'For about 60 years,' he said.

'Sixty years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?'

'I pray for peace between Christians, Jews and Muslims.
I pray for all the wars to stop. I pray for all our children to grow
up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.'

'How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?'

'Like I'm talking to a f**kin' brick wall!'

Grin

Grrr!!!

I love small, furry, defenseless little animals - especially in gravy!!!

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Reply #558 - Sep 20^th, 2008 at 6:27pm

skiproosel Offline
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Box Monster
Joined: Jan 5^th, 2008 at 6:06am
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I Love Blondes

A young ventriloquist was doing a show in Brisbane . With his dummy on his knee, he started going through his usual dumb blonde jokes, when a blonde in the second row stood on her chair and started shouting:

'I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes,' she screamed. 'What makes you think you can stereotype women in that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's people like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as people. It's all because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general - and all in the name of humour.'

The embarrassed ventriloquist began to apologise, whereupon the blonde yelled, 'You stay out of this. I'm talking to that little bastard on your lap.

Have a nice day
Skip

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Reply #559 - Sep 20^th, 2008 at 6:38pm

Crazy Dog Offline
COCIA Platinum Member
Just love life.....
Joined: Dec 23^rd, 2007 at 5:30pm
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Now that sounds VERY MUCH LIKE a

King Billy

joke if I am not mistaken...

Grrr!!! Grin

I love small, furry, defenseless little animals - especially in gravy!!!

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