Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Mar 12^th, 2008 at 8:58am

Derek Offline
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I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was standing in line at the check-out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid woman ..................... why else would I buy dog food??

Retired
Camp Oven Cook

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Reply #1 - Mar 12^th, 2008 at 9:17am

BillyBushCook Offline
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Some one said they wanted
hot coals??
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Boom Boom!
an oldie but a goodie!

Live while your'e alive, you can sleep when your'e dead.

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Reply #2 - Mar 12^th, 2008 at 9:48am

Cactus Offline
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I had a dog some time ago... I called him Herpes he would not heal.
Muzz

Have Camp Oven will travel

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Reply #3 - Mar 12^th, 2008 at 12:04pm

BillyBushCook Offline
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Some one said they wanted
hot coals??
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Had a Kelpie years ago, called him blister.......bastard always turned up AFTER the work was done!
Mick.

Live while your'e alive, you can sleep when your'e dead.

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Reply #4 - Mar 12^th, 2008 at 12:46pm

rossco Offline
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seen a funny thing the other day , a bloke was at the caltex servo fueling up and looking rather sus , anyway with the fuel at $1.30 plus he thought if he was quick enough he could fill er up and do a runner.
when the tank was full and with fuel spewin out the tank and up his arm , he jumped in and took off.
he gets out on the road and must be thinking "this is alright" , so he sits back and lights a smoke ........
and BANG his arm catches fire , well he's waving his arm out the window to try and put it out and who should be comming the other way..... the cops so they booked him for firearm offences.

i know it has nothing to do with dogs , but hey .

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Reply #5 - Mar 12^th, 2008 at 1:34pm

BillyBushCook Offline
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Some one said they wanted
hot coals??
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A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast.
He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.
Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.
'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?'
The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'
The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.
The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.'
He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.
'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?

'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!

Live while your'e alive, you can sleep when your'e dead.

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Reply #6 - Mar 16^th, 2008 at 6:36pm

skiproosel Offline
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Reminds me of the bloke who sat at the bar watching old Bark Hudson(dog) licking his plums. After a few minutes of this the old bloke says "Gawd I wish I could do that" and his mate piped up and said "I reckon you should pat him and throw him a bone first".

All the best
Skip

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Reply #7 - Mar 17^th, 2008 at 7:33am

Trev aus Offline
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Sony has released a new MP3 player that is implanted in a womans breast, The I-tit costs 300 bucks & is a major breakthrough as women always moan that men stare at their boobs & never listen to them.
Trev
Aus

Love going bush, (both types Wink

) shooting, trail bikes, 4wheel driving, drinking with mates while doing all above, plus a good feed..

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Reply #8 - Mar 17^th, 2008 at 5:58pm

skiproosel Offline
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Monday Night Funny

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....

'Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya at teyhk a look, if ya woot'.

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

'Incredible'he says, 'there is a $20 note lodged up here.'

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a $10 note appears.

'This is amazing!'exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?'

'Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!'shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another
And another and another, etc.....

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

'Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter. Just out of interest,
How moch was in dare den?'

The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says '$1,990 exactly.'

'Ah, dat'd be roit,'' says the Irishman

(Wait for it...........scroll down.)

I knew I wasn't feeling two grand..'

All the best
Skip

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Reply #9 - Mar 16^th, 2008 at 7:52pm

skiproosel Offline
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Sunday Funny!

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?'
She asked.

'Hunting Flies'
He responded.

'Oh. ! Killing any?'
She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,
3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone. Grin

Have a good day
Skiproosel

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