Ya just gotta luv em !!!

Melbourne Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem.
The Gorilla was on heat..
To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Graham, a big Kiwi lad & former All Black, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery. Graham, like most Kiwis, seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.. So the Zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.
Graham was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?
Graham showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Graham announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
'Fust,' he said, 'I don't want to have to kuss er.'
'Sicondly, you must niver niver tull anyone about thus.'
The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what his third condition was.
'Wull,' said Graham, 'You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500.


Grrr!!!

A truck driver is cruising along when he spots a little yellow man standing in the middle of the road, crying. He brings the truck to a standstill,rolls down the window, and asks the little yellow man what's wrong.


"I'm yellow, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm hungry," sobs the little man.



"Well," says the trucker, "I can offer you a cheese sandwich, but that's as much as I can do."  So he passes a sandwich to the little yellow man and drives off.



A bit later he has to stop again, because there's a little red man in the middle of the road, crying. So he comes to a halt, rolls down the window and a bit more impatiently - asks the little red man what the matter is.



"I'm red, I'm from Mars, I'm gay and I'm thirsty," the little man bawls.



So the trucker says, "I can offer you a can of Coke, but that's as much as can do."  He hands a can of Coke down to the little red man and drives off.



A little further on, the trucker spots a little blue man in the middle of the road. Really annoyed now, he stops, rolls down the window and snaps, "Yes, you little blue poof, what planet are you from and what the bloody hell do you want?"



And the little blue man answers, "Your driver's licence, please...".


Grrr!!!

Bottle of wine

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one.   

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.  God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.   The woman says, "So, you're a man. 

That's interesting. I’m a woman.  Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. 

This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God!"   

But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle.   My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.   Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle

and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies,  "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."


MORAL OF THE STORY:  
Women are clever.     Don't mess with us. 

Ha ha ha.... Love it. The wife wants to know what calibre weapon is the most effective.

Stew

Hey Skip



Aart