Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #710 - Dec 11^th, 2008 at 9:04pm

Crazy Dog Offline
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POSSIBLY THE BEST BLONDE JOKE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some

rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the

woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed,

the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff

from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm

sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any" "But I always buy

it here," says the blonde "Do you have the container that it came

in?" asks the pharmacist. "YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and

get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the

pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal

stick of underarm deodorant". Annoyed, the blonde snatches the

container back and reads out loud from the container.........

" TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM "

Hahahaahahahah ----oooooooooooooHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Grrr!!! Cheesy

I love small, furry, defenseless little animals - especially in gravy!!!

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Reply #711 - Dec 11^th, 2008 at 11:10pm

The Tree Guy Offline
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Talking Dog For Sale.

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back
garden. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just
sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Sure do," the dog replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking
pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5 about
my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country,
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured
a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies
eight years running."

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting
any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at
the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near
suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded loads of
medals. Had a wife, a few puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed! He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten bucks."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him
so cheap?"

"Cause he's a Smiley

liar! He's never done any of that stuff."

Smiley

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Reply #712 - Dec 12^th, 2008 at 2:17am

Duncan MacDuff Offline
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Crazy Dog wrote on Dec 11^th, 2008 at 9:04pm:

POSSIBLY THE BEST BLONDE JOKE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some

Good one Crazy Dog,

I can't wait to see the pharmacist reaction to the blond wanting to know why the KY Jelly tastes so bad on toast.

Grin

Best,
Duncan

In Service,
Duncan

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Reply #713 - Dec 12^th, 2008 at 7:58am

TBF Offline
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Duncan MacDuff wrote on Dec 12^th, 2008 at 2:17am:

Crazy Dog wrote on Dec 11^th, 2008 at 9:04pm:

POSSIBLY THE BEST BLONDE JOKE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some

Good one Crazy Dog,

I can't wait to see the pharmacist reaction to the blond wanting to know why the KY Jelly tastes so bad on toast.

Grin

Best,
Duncan

CD and DUNCAN

You're both bad.
But very funny lads. Cheesy

Aart

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Reply #714 - Dec 12^th, 2008 at 8:01am

Baldrum Offline
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Fascinating Biology Facts
The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man's erection is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs Grin

Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I

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Reply #715 - Dec 12^th, 2008 at 3:56pm

Cactus Offline
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Where do you take the measurement from..ah I am all thumbs at this.
Muzz

Have Camp Oven will travel

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Reply #716 - Dec 12^th, 2008 at 4:13pm

hotwelder Offline
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Cactus wrote on Dec 12^th, 2008 at 3:56pm:

Where do you take the measurement from..ah I am all thumbs at this.
Muzz

Muzz,I measured from the tip of the thumb to the closest joint,multiplied it by 3,and what do ya know,I,m above average.
I feel much better now Shocked

cheers George Wink

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Reply #717 - Dec 12^th, 2008 at 5:29pm

Troyk Offline
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Baldrum wrote on Dec 12^th, 2008 at 8:01am:

The average man's erection is three times the length of his thumb.

Ah, thats why I have such big thumbs! Cool

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Reply #718 - Dec 12^th, 2008 at 6:15pm

Stew Offline
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Thumb eh?...... Smiley

Stew

399268596NvsOfn_ph_1_.jpg (98 KB | )

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Reply #719 - Dec 14^th, 2008 at 9:18pm

The Tree Guy Offline
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the bacon tree

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when
all of a sudden......."Hey Jose, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is
sure of eet."
"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee."
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand
dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw
bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked
bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
"Jose, Jose, we is saved. Eees a bacon tree."
"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."
"Jose when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...
ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that... Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5
metres, Jose following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a
machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is
mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Jose with his dying
breath. "Jose... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree."
"Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?"
"Jose... ees not a bacon tree...eees a Ham Bush!" Smiley

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