Life in the Australian Army..

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those
of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie
in the far south west of Queensland )
Dear Mum & Dad
I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil
that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get
in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow
in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until
6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky
is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody
cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!! Ya haz
gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water
and even a light to see what ya doing
At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo
steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again
until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because
we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to
the windmill in the back paddock!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep
getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a
bloody possum's bum and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya
like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their
prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make
yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You  don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and
ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo
shooting truck when you reload!
Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real
careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and
Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do
at home after the muster. Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and
it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been
beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15
stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm
only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till
the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.
I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick
before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,
Sheila

All the best
Skip

Paddy goes to his doctor with a botty problem ...

'Well now, doctor, it's me ar#e, I'd loik you's ta take a little look if you's woot.'



So Paddy drops his trousers and bends over while the doctor takes a look.

'Incredible!' says the doc, looking puzzled, 'there's a £20 note lodged up here?'

The doctor gently eases the twenty pound note out and as he does so a £10 note appears..

'This is amazing!' exclaims the doctor, 'what do you want me to do?'

'To be sure dey can't stay up me ar#e doctor,' says Paddy.

So the doctor pulls out the ten pound note and another twenty appears and another and another, etc .

... finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

'Ah dactor, tank you's very much, dats much better ... by der way, how much was in dere den?'

The doctor counts the money and then informs Paddy, 'One thousand nine hundred and ninety pounds.'

'Dat would be about roit,' says Paddy ...

... wait for it .










'I knew I wasn't feeling two grand . '


Jono

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag.
He sits down and places the bag on the counter.
The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9' high  and sets him on the counter.
He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on  the counter as well.
He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench,  which he places in front of the piano.
The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful  Piece by Mozart!
'Where on earth did you get that?' says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag.
This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and  says: 'Here. Rub it.'
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and  a beautiful genie is standing before him.
'I will grant you one wish... Just one wish... each person is only
allowed one!'
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, 'I want a  million bucks
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by  another duck, then another
Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, 'Y'know, I think your Genie's'  a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million Ducks.
'No way' says the man, 'do you really think I asked for a 9 inch  Pianist?

LogFire

If you were around in 1919 (Just before Prohibition started) and you came upon the following poster



I  mean seriously would you quit drinking?
Skip

Bloody hell those women should have been on their knees every day thanking the monk (yep monks invented grog) who invented drink because if grog hadent been used no bloke would have been drunk enough to want to touch their lips anyway. now I'm not the best looking bloke around but my goodness some of those girls look like they chased more than one parked truck

(come on every one it is the joke of the day post)