A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, But they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed.

Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"

Remember when?

- A computer was something mind boggling you saw in science fiction movies
- A window was something you hated to clean
- A ram was the cousin of a goat
- An application was a form you filled out for employment
- A program was a TV show
- A cursor used profanity
- Memory was something that you lost with age
- Compress was something you did to the garbage
- If you unzipped anything in public, you hoped not to get caught
- Log on was adding wood to the fire
- Hard drive was a long trip on the road
- A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
- A backup happened to your commode
- You cut with scissors and pasted with glue
- A web was a spider's home
- A virus was the flu

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.'
'Oh, really? Darn!' says the little old lady. 'I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me..'
'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money?' 'You didn't steal it, did you?'

'Oh, no', says the little old lady. 'You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his weenie through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes.'
'Well, that seems only fair.' laughs the cop. OK? Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?'


'Well, you know', says the little old lady, 'not everybody pays.'

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test."

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.  As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.


Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.




1. What do you put in a toaster?



























Answer: "bread."  If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.











2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?





























Answer: Cows drink water.   If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.









3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?




























Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.   If you said "green bricks," why are you still reading these???
If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.









4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .)  Anyway, during the flight, TWO engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land"?

























Answer: You don't bury survivors.  






If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.










5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales.  In London, 17 people get on the bus; In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on.  In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?













 












Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!  







Don't you remember your own name? It  was YOU!!

Baldrum wrote on Feb 20^th, 2009 at 5:01pm:

You may have translate this for North American members  - I believe the term is "Fanny" - which has a totally different meaning Down Under...........

KD