Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #810 - Feb 21^st, 2009 at 12:08am

Little_Kopit Offline
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Kingsthorpe David wrote on Feb 20^th, 2009 at 5:26pm:

Baldrum wrote on Feb 20^th, 2009 at 5:01pm:

bum.

You may have translate this for North American members - I believe the term is "Fanny" - which has a totally different meaning Down Under...........

KD

David, I think you need to watch some tv or or cast thine eyes over some 'works of the immagination' from this side of the pond,

Or just try www.google.com or www.google.ca.

Maybe even better, the Oxford English Dictionary, full version for derivation, etc. I wouldst be willing to wager some $ that bum was in the Anglo lexicon long before the Dutch sailed off your shores.

p.s. much too tempting on this one not try pronouncing like an encyclopedia

Tongue

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Reply #811 - Feb 21^st, 2009 at 12:37pm

Derek Offline
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HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANY MORE.

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his
wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she
could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' and he
said 'no'. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should
simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police
again.

'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
stealing things from my shed Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them.' Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an
ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: 'I thought you said that you'd
shot them!'

George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'

(True Story) I LOVE IT - Don't mess with old people!!

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Reply #812 - Feb 21^st, 2009 at 10:49pm

Baldrum Offline
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Priceless! Gotta remember this one ...

Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I

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Reply #813 - Feb 21^st, 2009 at 11:02pm

Derek Offline
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A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?'

'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'

'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'

'1955, ma'am.'

'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!' She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'

(Gotta love military time!) Grin

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Reply #814 - Feb 21^st, 2009 at 11:05pm

Derek Offline
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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

'Nurse', he mumbles from behind the oxygen mask. 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?' Roll Eyes

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Reply #815 - Feb 23^rd, 2009 at 11:32am

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
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Who is your real friend?

This really works...!

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your spouse in the boot of the car for an hour.

When you open the boot, who is really happy to see you?

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #816 - Feb 23^rd, 2009 at 7:05pm

skiproosel Offline
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Baby it's Cold Outside

One Canadian winter morning during breakfast a husband and wife were listening to the radio. They heard the announcer say,

"We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says,

"We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park..." Then the electric power went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said,

"Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married exhibit, the husband replied,

"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

All the best
Skip

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Reply #817 - Feb 23^rd, 2009 at 8:15pm

Little_Kopit Offline
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Skip, you should know that said item did not come from Canada . Tell me how!!!!!!

Tongue

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Reply #818 - Feb 23^rd, 2009 at 9:04pm

skiproosel Offline
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Riddle me this LK how?
Skip Smiley

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Reply #819 - Feb 23^rd, 2009 at 9:12pm

skiproosel Offline
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By the way those two lived in Michigan for many years before moving to Canada and they can not get used to the Metric thing and still refer in inches ,pounds etc.

So happens the radio announcer is their son and he moved with them to Canada too!
How'd I go ?

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