The Global Facts ...

At Any Given Moment:

79,000,000 people are engaged in intercourse right now.

58,000,000 are kissing.

37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

1 lonely bugger is reading Joke of the Day.







You hang in there sunshine!

One year a farmers land and livestock were washed away by a flood, the only livestock and fodder he had left were some corn, a cow, 2 chickens and a rooster.  

The rooster was feeling like he was near death and not feeling up to mating.

The farmer desperate for eggs and more chickens to get his farm back and running, threw in Viagra with the chicken feed and the rooster ate it.

Suddenly perky the rooster began to do everything around him, chicken.. cow.. chicken.. dog.. chicken..  chicken.. some random bird.. squirrel, (you get the picture) and he wouldn’t stop.

The farmer was proud, then began to worry cause he thought the rooster may just out do himself and be in the grave for sure.

The next morning the farmer arose and looked out his window and noticed 2 vultures circling the chicken coop.

"Oh no!" said the farmer and he looked down and saw the rooster lying on the ground slightly breathing. "I am soo sorry, you poor poor rooster...please forgive me.. I had no idea..."

Then the rooster slightly turned his head and whispered to the farmer "Shush!” “ They’re about to land!"

AFTER FIVE YEARS OF HEATED DEBATE THE HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSION FINALLY APPROVED THE INTERNATIONAL SYMBOL FOR MARRIAGE

  A guy fell asleep in speedo's on the beach and got horrible
  sunburn, to his upper legs.

  He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being
  diagnosed with second-degree burns.

  With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was
  in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline,
  electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

  The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do
  for him, doctor'?

  The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but
  it'll keep the bed sheets off his legs.

  Grrr!!!

From Tom the Trivia Tinker





Two years of therapy is equivalent to an hour talk with the right dog.



That which you makes you stronger probably should have killed you, but it didn't.



Live. Then die. In that order. No exceptions.



A good way to feel superior is to ride an elevator where your floor is higher than everyone else's.



Just as cars should allow pedestrians to pass, so should the pedestrians occasionally allow cars to pass.



Time is an illusion invented by the Swiss to sell watches.



If anyone were to rule the world, it should not be a guy with mismatched socks.



Honesty is the best policy unless you are in a prevarication competition.



In the land of the freaks, a normal person can be viewed at a sideshow for only a nickel.



One can always consider it progress that nowadays, only 50% of marriages end in death.



According to quantum theory, there is always a universe in which you chose to wear the chicken suit.



If this planet ever becomes a world without borders, geography class will be a snap.



All views are important to hear because somewhere in the chorus of opinions is the single melody of truth.



Never stab a person in the back. You'll miss the look of shock and terror on their face.



In order to make Edward R. Murrow turn over in his grave, one must place his ashes in an hourglass.







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Don't do anything that will scandalize the children or stampede the cattle.