Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #850 - Mar 1^st, 2009 at 3:24pm

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
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The Top Ten Differences Between Cats & Dogs:

10. Dogs come when you call them. Cats take a message and get back to you when they are good and ready.

9. Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking out a contract on your life.

8. Dogs will bark to wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.

7. Dogs will bring you your slippers or the evening newspaper.Cats might bring you a dead mouse.

6. Dogs will play Frisbee with you all afternoon. Cats will take a three-hour nap.

5. Dogs will sit on the car seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private box or they will not go at all.

4. Dogs will greet you and lick your face when you come home from work. Cats will be mad that you went to work at all.

3. Dogs will sit, lie down, and heel on command. Cats will smirk and walk away.

2. Dogs will tilt their heads and listen whenever you talk. Cats will yawn and close their eyes.

1. Dogs will give you unconditional love forever. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #851 - Mar 1^st, 2009 at 3:58pm

Cactus Offline
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The only good cat is a dead one. end of story.
Muzz

Have Camp Oven will travel

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Reply #852 - Mar 1^st, 2009 at 4:08pm

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
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A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #853 - Mar 1^st, 2009 at 4:17pm

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
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And on the similar vein..

Watch out for the revenge attack...

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #854 - Mar 2^nd, 2009 at 9:00am

OzJeeper Offline
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The Cookenator - I terminate
food!
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A big mining company recently hired several cannibals. 'You are all part of our team now', said the HR manager during the welcoming briefing. 'You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees'. The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, 'You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our Admin girls has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?' The cannibals all shook their heads indicating 'no'.
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, 'which one of you idiots ate the Admin chick?' A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, 'You fool!!!!! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and Supervisors and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!!!!

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked.

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Reply #855 - Mar 2^nd, 2009 at 7:18pm

LogFire Offline
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Yesterday I had a flat tire on the A1. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the boot. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing the oncoming traffic.

They look so life like you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats,
exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers!

I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my life like men, and of course, traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a Traffic Cop pulled up behind me!!

He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

"What's going on here, he said?"

"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.

"Well, what the are those obscene cardboard men doing, here by the road?"

I couldn't believe that he didn't know.............. so I told him,

"Hello-o-o-o, those are my emergency flashers"!

I have gone off to find myself. If I get back before I return,keep me here.

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Reply #856 - Mar 2^nd, 2009 at 7:24pm

LogFire Offline
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Senior Centre

It was entertainment night at the Senior Centre. Claude the
hypnotist exclaimed:

"I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotise each
and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a
beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's
a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting:

" Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and
forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until,
suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's finger and fell to the
floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.

"####!" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Centre………..

I have gone off to find myself. If I get back before I return,keep me here.

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Reply #857 - Mar 3^rd, 2009 at 4:35am

Duncan MacDuff Offline
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shemissed.jpg (23 KB | )

therapy.jpg (16 KB | )

wellbehaved.jpg (24 KB | )

In Service,
Duncan

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Reply #858 - Mar 3^rd, 2009 at 11:52am

Michaelb Offline
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A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the
pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy
some cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose
my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will
happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's
different. You didn't tell me you had a Prescription.'

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #859 - Mar 3^rd, 2009 at 2:37pm

skiproosel Offline
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Box Monster
Joined: Jan 5^th, 2008 at 6:06am
Last online: Sep 16^th, 2012 at 5:35pm

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Little girl's Fire Truck

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.
'Thanks,' the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles....
'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.'

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

Regards Skip

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