AUSTRALIA'S ORIGINAL AND BEST CAMP OVEN AND OUTDOOR COOKING CAMPING AND LIFESTYLE FORUM - Joke Of The Day

Reply #890 - Mar 8^th, 2009 at 8:56pm

sooty Offline
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Stiffen Up

IMAGE1111211.jpg (57 KB | )

I started out with nothing and still have most of it

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Reply #891 - Mar 8^th, 2009 at 9:03pm

sooty Offline
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I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking. When I asked why she said,

"Because I'm trying to examine you!"

I started out with nothing and still have most of it

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Reply #892 - Mar 8^th, 2009 at 9:05pm

sooty Offline
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.

Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way,

so I stole one and asked him to forgive me

rideon.jpg (45 KB | )

I started out with nothing and still have most of it

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Reply #893 - Mar 9^th, 2009 at 9:00am

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
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Budget mobile phone???

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #894 - Mar 9^th, 2009 at 4:44pm

Crazy Dog Offline
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Just love life.....
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A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."

The man perks up at this.

"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.

"So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you in making the decision?"

"She has," says the man.

"And what is it?" asks the doctor.
=
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"We're getting a new kitchen." Angry

I love small, furry, defenseless little animals - especially in gravy!!!

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Reply #895 - Mar 10^th, 2009 at 5:07pm

Baldrum Offline
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A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress. A sign read: 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded sign for the same circus and the same sign 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket.

Again, the centre ring was illuminated.

This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd went wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.

"You're incredible!" he told the Scotsman. "But I have to know something. You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts"?

"Well laddie," said the Scot, "Ma eyes are nae whit they used tae be."

Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I

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Reply #896 - Mar 11^th, 2009 at 1:16am

Duncan MacDuff Offline
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Do ya know why the men of Scotland wear the kilt?

1. Sheep can hear a zipper a hundred yards off.

2. It is easier to run with your Kilt up, than your pants down.

Grin

In Service,
Duncan

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Reply #897 - Mar 11^th, 2009 at 7:07am

TBF Offline
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Duncan MacDuff wrote on Mar 11^th, 2009 at 1:16am:

Do ya know why the men of Scotland wear the kilt?

1. Sheep can hear a zipper a hundred yards off.

2. It is easier to run with your Kilt up, than your pants down.

Grin

That is good..Thanx Duncan

Aart

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Reply #898 - Mar 11^th, 2009 at 9:08am

Little_Kopit Offline
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We love him dearly!

Video: http://s130.photobucket.com/albums/p242/edzzed/?action=view&current=NewPuppy.flv

Shocked

My Photo Album, featuring Labrador 2006

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Reply #899 - Mar 11^th, 2009 at 7:45pm

LogFire Offline
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A GREEK AND A SCOTSMAN

A Greek and a Scotsman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day
   discussing who had the superior culture.

   Over triple lattes the Greek guy says,
'Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.

The Scotsman then replies, 'Well... it was the Scots that
   discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.'

The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'

The Scotsman, nodding in agreement, says,

'Scots were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars.'

And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the
discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks
   were the ones who invented sex!'

The Scotsman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Scots
   who introduced it to women.'

I have gone off to find myself. If I get back before I return,keep me here.

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