An important official who was visiting an insane asylum made a telephone call but had difficulty getting his number.

Finally, in exasperation, he shouted to the operator, “Look here, miss, do you know who I am?”
“No,” she replied calmly, “but I know where you are.”

So, here's the story. . ..





Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'



Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Safeway store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ..








(You're going to hate me for this . )






'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT SAFEWAY !'

Oh, quit groaning!
I don't write this stuff,

Crazy Dog & Rastas, my son is visiting from Rockhampton and I showed him your post:

Re: Joke Of The Day - Please Keep Them Clean
Reply #871 - Mar 4th, 2009, 7:23pm

http://www.pussersgreenies.org/nicknames.html

PUSSERS SLANG INDEX

Being an ex  "deep diving, death defying, son of neptune" he thought the Dolphin Code was worth mentioning: www.upperiscope.com.au/odds&sods.htm
Dolphin Code.
Also worth a look is "Mystery Boats" - de-classified info on what he got up to during his time in the navy ...

A woman was sitting at a bar, enjoying an after work cocktail with her
girlfriends, when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, young
man entered.

He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young man noticed her overly-attentive stare and walked directly
toward her.

Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned
over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that
you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20 --- on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.

The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in
just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed
from her purse a $20 bill, which she pressed into the young man's hand,
along with her address.

She looked deeply into his eyes, slowly and meaningfully, and she
whispered with a sincere smile, "Clean my house."