Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven And Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #90 - Apr 15^th, 2008 at 5:27pm

skiproosel Offline
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The Silent Fart:

An elderly couple was attending church services

About halfway through the service, she leaned over and
said to her husband, " I just let out a silent fart, what do
you think I should do?"

He replied, " Put a new battery in your hearing aid"

All the best
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Reply #91 - Apr 15^th, 2008 at 7:09pm

Furphyslinger Offline
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Bloke turns up for work on Monday morning sporting the best shiner you could ever see
his mates asked him if his missus had sorted him out
"No" he said "I got it in church"
got it church they said Bu**s&*t
No true he says I was sitting in the family pew he said and this big woman comes and sits down in front of me and when we stand up she had her dress stuck in her arse ctack so I leant over and pulled it out and she swung roud and belted me one
Bloody hell they said how unlucky can you be

So the next monday when he comes in they cant believe that he is sporting a brand new shiner "dont tell us you got it in church boing that again"
No he said I got it in church alright and the same woman hit me again
what for pulling her dress out
No he said me mate Paddy was in church with me and when she stood up Paddy reached over and pulled her dress out of her crack and I knew she didn"t like that so I shoved it straight back in again

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If you don't know the bush then you have never lived life to the full

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Reply #92 - Apr 16^th, 2008 at 7:00am

skiproosel Offline
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The newspaper, "The Australian," over a period of weeks, sought entries
for The Great Australian yarn.

This was the winner:

Two cattle drovers were standing in an Outback bar. One asked, "What are
ya up to, mate?"

"Ahh, I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie."
"Oh yeah ... and what route are you takin'?"

"Ah, prob'ly the Missus ... after all, she stuck by me durin' the
drought".

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Reply #93 - Apr 16^th, 2008 at 6:08pm

skiproosel Offline
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Words Of Love..

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,
yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. She sat by him.He whispered,
eyes full of tears, 'You know what?

You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side . . .
You know what?'
'What dear?' She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with
warmth.

'I think you're bad luck, f*** off!'

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Reply #94 - Apr 17^th, 2008 at 12:53pm

skiproosel Offline
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Confession:

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following
conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, children,
grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to
a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old . I'm telling everybody!' Lips Sealed

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Reply #95 - Apr 18^th, 2008 at 1:31pm

poddy dodger Offline
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Thelma and her husband of 50 years Joe were having breakfast one morning when he says to her,
"Thelma, what are you doing with a suppository in yer ear ?
"What" she says
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A SUPPOSITORY IN YER EAR ?"
"AHH", she says, "I wondered what I'd done with me hearing aid."

When I die I hope my missus doesn't sell my camp ovens for what I told her I paid for them. pd

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Reply #96 - Apr 18^th, 2008 at 3:46pm

Furphyslinger Offline
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Old Singers new Song Titles

Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends

The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?

Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash

Roberta Flack --- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now!

Paul Simon --- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom

Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts

Procol Harem --- A Whiter Shade of Hair

Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping

The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

Abba --- Denture Queen

Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

Leslie Gore --- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want Too!

And my favorite:

Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again

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If you don't know the bush then you have never lived life to the full

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Reply #97 - Apr 18^th, 2008 at 9:08pm

skiproosel Offline
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Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....
That night all three will wear a sexy leather bodice, stilettos and mask over their eyes ...

After a few days they meet again........

The engaged girlfriend said: 'the other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask.
He said, you are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night long.

The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was
wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had
wild sex all night.'

The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night; I got myself ready, leather bodice, and super
stilettos and mask over my eyes.

My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said,
'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'

Have a nice day
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Reply #98 - Apr 19^th, 2008 at 2:42pm

Furphyslinger Offline
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mummy mummy mummy I hate Daddys guts

Well push it aside and just eat the vegies

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If you don't know the bush then you have never lived life to the full

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Reply #99 - Apr 19^th, 2008 at 10:32pm

skiproosel Offline
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A womans remote control (I love women)

Kiss

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