AUSTRALIA'S ORIGINAL AND BEST CAMP OVEN AND OUTDOOR COOKING CAMPING AND LIFESTYLE FORUM - Joke Of The Day

Reply #970 - Apr 30^th, 2009 at 10:47am

Mackerel Whisperer Offline
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Real friend test:

This really works...!
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

Then open the boot - who is happy to see you?

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Reply #971 - Apr 30^th, 2009 at 11:36am

Kez Offline
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At Carolyn
Roll Eyes

@Jono

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Reply #972 - Apr 30^th, 2009 at 5:44pm

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
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What a way to get your attention.....

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #973 - May 4^th, 2009 at 5:19pm

skiproosel Offline
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POOR SAM

Sam died. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sarah turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Sarah . "Thirty thousand."

"No!" Jody exclaimed.. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Sarah answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the synagogue. The whisky, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."

Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? How big is it ?"

"Two and a half carats."

T.C.
Skip Smiley

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Reply #974 - May 6^th, 2009 at 8:11am

Michaelb Offline
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One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love with him instantly.

When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.

On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner
and before I knew it,I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.

I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.

The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, went on like this for another few minutes.

The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.

He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused:
" Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #975 - May 6^th, 2009 at 8:27am

Kez Offline
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@michaelb

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Reply #976 - May 6^th, 2009 at 8:41am

Kez Offline
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HAPPY 50th BARBIE.....About time it happened to her!!!! Grin

image00111.jpg (64 KB | )

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Reply #977 - May 6^th, 2009 at 11:19am

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
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A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a
flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of
'a house of ill repute' and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the
money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the
girls have any diseases?'

Of course the Madam said 'No'.

The boy said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots
after making love with Amber - THAT'S the girl I want.'

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it,
the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten
minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in
the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?'

He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents
are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a
baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me
because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will
then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back,
Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease.

Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.

In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the
milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the b@stard who ran over my FROG!'

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #978 - May 6^th, 2009 at 1:26pm

Michaelb Offline
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This is a genuine mistake made in Ireland

This was actually sold in the supermarkets - until they twigged!!

Ainsly.bmp (201 KB | )

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #979 - May 6^th, 2009 at 2:48pm

Stump Jump Offline
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I love to cook with camp
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Michaelb wrote on May 6^th, 2009 at 1:26pm:

This was actually sold in the supermarkets - until they twigged!!

That's a good one Michael Grin

, It is surprising that it took them a while to twig, maybe prick is not a very commonly used slang or derogatory word in Ireland.

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