AUSTRALIA'S ORIGINAL AND BEST CAMP OVEN AND OUTDOOR COOKING CAMPING AND LIFESTYLE FORUM - Joke Of The Day

Reply #980 - May 6^th, 2009 at 6:05pm

Troyk Offline
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This guys is a quick thinker ...

A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset.. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute, so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments..

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the expensive designer jeans that you bought a couple years back, but don't wear because you say they not the "in" name this year.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

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Reply #981 - May 9^th, 2009 at 7:58pm

sooty Offline
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Mackay C.Q.
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This frustrated wife buys a pair of crutchless knickers
in an attempt to spice up her non-existant sex-life.
She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits
on the lounge suite opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ……. enough times till her husband says…….
”Are you wearing crutchless knickers?”
“Y-e-s,” she answers with a seductive smile.
“Thank Christ for that……. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the lounge suite. Lips Sealed

I started out with nothing and still have most of it

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Reply #982 - May 10^th, 2009 at 12:19am

TBF Offline
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sooty wrote on May 9^th, 2009 at 7:58pm:

This frustrated wife buys a pair of crutchless knickers
in an attempt to spice up her non-existant sex-life.
She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits
on the lounge suite opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ……. enough times till her husband says…….
”Are you wearing crutchless knickers?”
“Y-e-s,” she answers with a seductive smile.
“Thank Christ for that……. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the lounge suite. Lips Sealed

Thanks Sooty

I think I just wet myself... Grin

Aart

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Reply #983 - May 10^th, 2009 at 7:19am

Rastas000 Offline
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Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
Last online: Mar 5^th, 2024 at 11:48am

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sooty wrote on May 9^th, 2009 at 7:58pm:

This frustrated wife buys a pair of crutchless knickers
in an attempt to spice up her non-existant sex-life.
She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits
on the lounge suite opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ……. enough times till her husband says…….
”Are you wearing crutchless knickers?”
“Y-e-s,” she answers with a seductive smile.
“Thank Christ for that……. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the lounge suite. Lips Sealed

Truly another example of a brilliantly groan-worthy joke that just must be passed on.....

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #984 - May 10^th, 2009 at 7:21am

Rastas000 Offline
COCIA Diamond Member
Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
Last online: Mar 5^th, 2024 at 11:48am

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As most may be aware of, I love puns, and the more groan worthy the better: (and they are clean)

* What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
* Justice Fingers.

* What do clouds wear under their clothes?
* Thunderware.

* What's an archeologist?
* Someone whose career is in ruins.

* What does a king do when he burps?
* He issues a royal pardon.

* What happens when two snails fight?
* They slug it out.

* What insect is good at math?
* An account-ant.

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #985 - May 11^th, 2009 at 9:17am

Rastas000 Offline
COCIA Diamond Member
Hmmmm, hardwood coals....
Joined: Jan 27^th, 2009 at 6:33am
Last online: Mar 5^th, 2024 at 11:48am

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Thanks to MichaelB for this one.... Click on for fill size...

Gaviscon.jpg (54 KB | )

A furphy, is Australian slang for a rumour, or an erroneous or improbable story. You would never get anything but the plain honest dinky-di truth here... I promise!!!! Yup, hand on my heart, promise, true blue, uh-huh true dinks, dead set!!

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Reply #986 - May 11^th, 2009 at 2:02pm

Michaelb Offline
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Joined: Nov 26^th, 2008 at 12:40pm
Last online: Jul 4^th, 2023 at 8:45am

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Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #987 - May 11^th, 2009 at 7:59pm

sooty Offline
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Mackay C.Q.
Joined: Jul 1^st, 2006 at 8:20pm
Last online: May 11^th, 2019 at 12:46pm

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I started out with nothing and still have most of it

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Reply #988 - May 12^th, 2009 at 8:46am

Michaelb Offline
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11.bmp (203 KB | )

10.bmp (203 KB | )

9.bmp (203 KB | )

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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Reply #989 - May 12^th, 2009 at 8:47am

Michaelb Offline
COCIA Diamond Member
Joined: Nov 26^th, 2008 at 12:40pm
Last online: Jul 4^th, 2023 at 8:45am

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8.bmp (203 KB | )

7.bmp (203 KB | )

6.bmp (203 KB | )

Don't waste a day, not while your breathing.

Michaelb (A Mexican)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWCVbBkd0j0

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