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It's been a year since last post (Read 2469 times)
Oct 9th, 2014 at 11:35pm

Kingbrown   Offline
COCIA® Platinum Member
Joined: Aug 13th, 2014 at 6:34pm
Last online: Feb 14th, 2021 at 12:13pm

Broadwater, New South Wales, Australia

Gender: male
Zodiac sign: Aries
Posts: 906
So here is an old one

Glassy Eyed

Old Ted had a glass eye that was missing its lid
So the bloody thing just used to stare
And whilst he was asleep one eye would be hid
Whilst the other continued to glare

Once on the way home from a spree at the pub
And definitely being to drunk to drive
He steered his ute towards his shack in the scrub
But didn’t realise he’d not make it alive

A couple of miles out he stopped to shoot a roo
And he waved the gun in its general direction
He needed bones for the dogs and some meat for the stew
And the roo died of random lead injection

Then with a rusty old Bowie he began the attack
But his balance was tempered by beer
And he slipped in the blood landing flat on his back
So he said, “bugger it, I’ll just skin you from here”

Ted wrestled the carcass like a demon from hell
Dismembering limbs and things off the roo
With the guts and the blood it was soon hard to tell
Just who exactly was skinning who

With the butchering done Ted was covered in gore
Jack the Ripper would have spewed at the sight
Then with the meat tucked away he set off once more
Looking forward to getting home for a bite

But at the half way mark the rum had started to tell
So Ted pulled up in the road for a rest
With his head against the window into a coma he fell
With that eerie glass eye staring west

A passer by stopped to see all was right
With the car that was parked in mid lane
But that staring eye, gave him a hell of a fright
Not to mention all the blood and the brain

The man flew into town, to tell of the slaughter
And the ambulance and the police rushed to the scene
But the cops seeing the mess said it must be murder
And all agreed it’s the worse case they had seen

With Ted’s staring glass eye sending chills down the spine
And the hanging chunks of flesh and bits of liver
While draped round his neck was a length of intestine
And a testicle was stuck to the rear vision mirror

They fenced off the crime with a mile of yellow tape
Whilst flashing lights diverted the traffic
And the rising full moon light the surrounding landscape
Making that glass eyed stare even more horrific

The sergeant radioed a warning throughout the night
A madman must be in hiding near town
And do not approach him just shoot him on sight
Anyone capable of this just had to be put down

Next at the crime scene a gruesome job lay in store
The nervous medics could now do their bit
But the body’s angle, meant that when they opened the door
They’d have to move bloody quick to catch it

The catcher was decided when he drew the short straw
And he cursed his bad luck and his fate
Then his partner opened the latch and old Ted started to fall
But he awoke and with a groan sat up straight

It took twenty minutes to revive that medical man
The poor fellow’s heart just couldn't compete
And the cops that hadn't fainted, well they all up and ran
Screaming and wailing in hasty retreat

And old Ted looked around with his blood matted hair
And he slurred with a rum stained groan
You mongrels just woke me and gave me a hell of a scare
Then he started his ute and drove home

©Ron Wilson
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Reply #1 - Oct 10th, 2014 at 5:59pm

Rufzgutz   Offline
COCIA® Legend
I Love the Great Outdoors
Joined: Oct 12th, 2009 at 6:20pm
Last online: Aug 17th, 2019 at 12:47pm

Adelaide, South Australia, Australia

Gender: male
Zodiac sign: Taurus
Posts: 3979
A bloody ripper KB  Smiley Smiley

Makes you wonder if some of these verses are derived from real life  incidents, with a lot of exaggeration  added  Smiley Grin


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Reply #2 - Oct 10th, 2014 at 7:07pm

Chally   Offline
COCIA® Legend
Joined: Mar 15th, 2012 at 3:26pm
Last online: Yesterday at 8:31pm

Maryborough, Queensland, Australia

Gender: male
Posts: 3341
That never happened out the back of bourke somewhere did it Ron? Grin

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